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Review: She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenback, and Joanna Sawatsky

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She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky cover shows a silhouette of a girl's face, her chin lifted

She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up
Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenback, and Joanna Sawatsky
Baker
Published April 18, 2023

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About She Deserves Better

You want your daughter to thrive–to be strong, confident, and equipped to step into the life God has for her.

But what if the church is setting your daughter up to be small?

Armed with data from an all-new survey of over 7,000 women, the authors of THE GREAT SEX RESCUE reveal how experiences in church as teens affect women’s self-esteem and relationships today. They expose common evangelical teachings that can backfire–the purity emphasis that can cause shame rather than good choices, the dating rules that can prime your daughter for abuse, and the one overarching belief that can keep her from setting healthy boundaries.

Instead, the authors advocate biblically grounded, freeing messages that are more about the dos and less about the don’ts. By reframing (and sometimes replacing) common evangelical messages to teen girls, this book will equip you to raise a daughter who can navigate the tumultuous teenage years while still clinging tightly to Jesus.

You can raise your daughter with the discernment to resist toxic teachings. Because she deserves better than a faith that keeps her small.

“Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna are an all-star team, confronting the harm done to our daughters in both the church and the world. The title says it all. Full stop. Our daughters deserve better! This book is full of thorough research, refreshingly commonsense biblical wisdom, and practical help on how to talk with our daughters and prepare them for confidence and maturity.”–Aimee Byrd, author of The Sexual Reformation –This text refers to the paperback edition.

Why I’m Reviewing She Deserves Better

I’m finding writing up my review to be a bit overwhelming, so I’m going to break it down into sections to help me focus my thoughts. First, let’s talk about why I decided to review this book.

I was raised in what would now probably be identified as a fundamentalist/evangelical church. To be honest, I had some good and bad experiences there. That complexity sometimes makes it hard for me to sort out my feelings about certain faith-based things. Though I am still myself a Christian, I am not part of the evangelical community. I once heard someone describe her family as Liberal Christians, and I would say that’s a label that’s closer to accurate for me.

Periodically, I dip my toes into the Christian literary market to try to find books and resources that resonate with me and are things I can confidently promote. Sometimes I regret it. But other times I find books that deeply energize me and encourage me in my faith journey.

I first heard about SHE DESERVES BETTER on one of the authors’ Twitter pages during some discourse about church scandals and the treatment of women in the church. As I read more of the posts on the author’s page, I found I agreed with several of her statements. When I noticed she was part of a team of three women who had a book for moms and daughters coming out, I decided to try to get a copy for review.

Rejecting Purity Culture But Replacing It with… What?

My home growing up didn’t adhere to some fundamentalist ideas, (my mom has always been an assertive person who expresses her views, for example) but we were part of a church community that absolutely preached the values and ideas of purity culture.

While I’ve rejected… most? all? I’m not thoroughly sure here… of those ideas, I’ve struggled to find healthier/more reasonable ways to express what I do believe about some of these issues. For example, I recently had a conversation with a family member about the way my daughter dresses. I don’t have a problem with the way she dresses, but this family member had some concerns and related those concerns in the language of purity culture. “She needs to remember there are boys in the house while she’s wearing those things,” etc.

I defended my daughter (the problem seemed to be that she’s young and curvy) and pretty plainly said that I would not make the burden of someone else’s possible thoughts her responsibility. But I struggled to explain my parental boundaries for her clothing choices. I do have them. But they’re about how she feels about herself and what she thinks about her body, not what someone else thinks. Still, I found myself wishing for a resource to help me quantify this and help me reassure my daughter. I also handle wanted better tools to handle people coming at me with purity culture complaints so I can respond in a way I find satisfying.

My Review of She Deserves Better

Lemme give you the nutshell version first. While I didn’t agree 100% with everything the authors said and how they said it, I came pretty close. I loved the premise of the book. I loved the consistent calls to do what is healthy and loving. The authors also state multiple times the importance of being in a church community that is itself healthy and supportive of young women. They go so far as to counsel families to leave churches with toxic teaching because of the potential damage it can cause. I recommend this book to anyone raised in purity culture and/or anyone raising girls in the church today.

Essentially, they studied the effects of the purity culture movement and other teachings that young women in evangelical churches are often still being taught today. A bible verse warns us to look at the outcomes of behavior using the metaphor of trees producing fruit. If a tree produces bad fruit, the tree should be cut down and tossed in the fire. So the authors break down different teachings and looks at the outcomes. For example, they look at the effects of teaching a girl that her outfit choice can cause a man to sin. Does this make her more likely to end up in an abusive marriage? Does it make her more likely to have low self-esteem? To report problems in her sexual relationship? (Yes to all these.) Things like that.

Tools to Process My Own Experiences and Teach My Daughter a Healthier Way

There were certain chapters that read like pages out of my own life. It was honestly pretty eerie. I’ve known for a long time that some things I believed in high school and shortly afterward were wrong and dangerous, but those beliefs absolutely cost me. They left me vulnerable to situations in which bad stuff happened. They left me feeling as though I didn’t have choices in things that happened, and that I didn’t have any allies to whom I could turn for support.

So. Yeah. I don’t want to pass any of that on to my daughter. We’ve done a lot of learning about consent and a lot of teaching about personal boundaries and expectations. All of the things I’ve learned about those topics lined up with what the authors were saying here in SHE DESERVES BETTER.

I loved that again and again the book comes back to asking the question, “what happens to girls who were raised with these teachings?” That’s so important. We know that some of these things are really harmful, and it’s time to stop teaching them, and to push back in spaces where they are still being taught.

Topics Explored in She Deserves Better

Here’s a list of some of the topics/teachings explored in the book:

  • How teachings regarding feelings, especially anxiety and depression, can impact a girl’s health and life.
  • How teachings on boundaries impact girls and the importance of teaching girls they can set personal boundaries and expect them to be respected.
  • How dating and dating rules impact a girl’s lifelong relationships.
  • Learning to and teaching girls to identify red flags for toxic or dangerous people.
  • How a comprehensive sex education empowers girls to be safer and happier longterm.
  • How teachings about consent impact girls (and boys).
  • How teachings about modesty or clothing choices impacts how girls see themselves and others.
  • How teachings about leadership and submission impact girls.

Each chapter gives examples from the authors’ research supporting their assertions. They also offer conversations topics and exercises that moms and daughters could work through together.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 16 up.

Representation
Doesn’t specify race details in any of the text or example stories. The intended audience is evangelical Christians.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
The authors use a metaphor about a candy that tasted delicious but caused explosive diarrhea to describe the harmfulness of teaching that looks or seems biblical at first but is not and causes harm.

Romance/Sexual Content
A fair amount of the book focuses on the way parents and church leaders teach girls about sex and relationships. It discusses how those teachings impact the likelihood of good or bad outcomes (happy marriages versus abusive relationships, etc).

The authors talk about the damage caused by rejecting a child or their feelings if they come to you to reveal their gender or sexual identity. Essentially the authors point out that being a part of a faith community generally lowers a child’s chance of experiencing suicidal thoughts or attempting suicide unless they are LGBTQIA+. Then, participation in a church community actually increases the likelihood they’ll have those thoughts or attempts.

Later on, the authors refer to an LGBTQIA+ identity as an “unwanted identity”. I’m not sure from the context if they’re intending to speak globally or referring to the feelings of homophobic parents.

The authors very plainly ask parents to choose to validate and love their kids no matter the feelings they have. They emphasize the importance of support from within their faith community.

Spiritual Content
The core premise of the book is to approach teachings about sex and modesty in the church and look at their effect on specifically women’s lives. Do those teachings bear good fruit, as described in Matthew 7:17-18?

Violent Content
Brief mentions of domestic violence, assault and abusive relationships.

Drug Content
Mentions of teens drinking alcohol and using drugs (as a negative behavior).

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of SHE DESERVES BETTER in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Woman All Spies Fear by Amy Butler Greenfield

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The Woman All Spies Fear: Code Breaker Elizebeth Smith Friedman and Her Hidden Life
Amy Butler Greenfield
Random House Studio
Published October 19, 2021

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About The Woman All Spies Fear

Elizebeth Smith Friedman always had a penchant for solving riddles. It was this skill, and a desire to do something with her life that led her to become one of the top cryptanalysts in America during both World War I and II. She originally came to codebreaking through her love for Shakespeare when she was hired by an eccentric billionaire to prove that Shakespeare’s plays had secret messages in them and were written by Frances Bacon.

Though she came to the conclusion that there were not any secret messages in the plays, she learned so much about coding that she went on to play a major role in decoding messages during WWI and WWII and also for the US Coast Guard’s own war against smugglers. Elizebeth and her husband, William, became the top codebreaking team in the US, and she did it all at a time when women weren’t a welcome presence in the workforce.

Amy Butler Greenfield is an award-winning historian and novelist who aims to shed light on this unsung female pioneer of the STEM community.

My Review

Elizebeth Smith Friedman overcame a LOT in her lifetime. She faced opposition to her education from her own father, opposition to women in the workplace, significant wage gaps, and people assuming she relied on her husband’s abilities to break codes. Yet she stayed focused on her work and consistently put aside her feelings because she believed in the job she was doing.

My favorite story about her from the book is about one of the trials she testified in against someone accused of smuggling. The defense lawyers relentlessly called her translation of the coded messages into question. She finally asked the judge if there was a blackboard she could use. There was, so she proceeded to use it to teach a lesson on code breaking right there in the courtroom. She was so obviously knowledgeable and communicated her methods so well that the prosecutors credited her with securing a conviction in the case.

Though the book is largely about her, there are several chapters devoted to her husband’s career and life. That makes sense at some level because sometimes his career intersected hers or created challenges for her personally or professionally. But, I found it interesting that the book made the point of how she faced being overshadowed by men in her accomplishments. And often by men taking credit for her work or assuming her husband had done the work himself. Then the book spent so much time talking about her husband.

Conclusion

On the whole, the book does a great job creating a full picture of Elizebeth Smith Friedman in her career and personal life. I learned a lot about her life and about code breaking. I also learned a bit about the way different government agencies operated between World War I and World War II.

Readers looking for an in-depth biography about Friedman or interested in the history of code breaking will find this book insightful and useful.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
William Friedman was Jewish. The book discusses antisemitic attitudes in the government and military during his life.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
None.

Romance/Sexual Content
None.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
Some reference to threats against Elizebeth for her work helping to disrupt smuggling operations and testifying against smugglers.

Drug Content
Some reference to drinking alcohol.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of THE WOMAN ALL SPIES FEAR in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy by Anne Ursu

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The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy
Anne Ursu
Walden Pond Press
Published October 12, 2021

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy

If no one notices Marya Lupu, it is likely because of her brother, Luka. And that’s because of what everyone knows: that Luka is destined to become a sorcerer.

The Lupus might be from a small village far from the capital city of Illyria, but that doesn’t matter. Every young boy born in in the kingdom holds the potential for the rare ability to wield magic, to protect the country from the terrifying force known only as the Dread.

For all the hopes the family has for Luka, no one has any for Marya, who can never seem to do anything right. But even so, no one is prepared for the day that the sorcerers finally arrive to test Luka for magical ability, and Marya makes a terrible mistake. Nor the day after, when the Lupus receive a letter from a place called Dragomir Academy–a mysterious school for wayward young girls. Girls like Marya.

Soon she is a hundred miles from home, in a strange and unfamiliar place, surrounded by girls she’s never met. Dragomir Academy promises Marya and her classmates a chance to make something of themselves in service to one of the country’s powerful sorcerers. But as they learn how to fit into a world with no place for them, they begin to discover things about the magic the men of their country wield, as well as the Dread itself–things that threaten the precarious balance upon which Illyria is built.

My Review

I went into this book intrigued by the premise and expecting it to be good. Instead, it kind of blew me away. I was totally hooked when I met Marya and her awful family. From the beginning, I knew there was more to her than meets the eye, and I felt like I just had to keep reading to find out what it was.

Also, the tapestries! Okay, so in the book, the weavers and embroiderers have a secret language. They use symbols to mean different things– like a crescent moon placed near the artist’s signature means she doesn’t believe the story the tapestry tells. An embroidered cushion might tell a whole family’s history. I’ve never seen anything like that in a book before, and I LOVE it! I love the way that secret impacts so many parts of the story.

The way that Marya and the other girls wrestle with the way they’re treated just broke my heart. Watching them take courage and band together and be one another’s strength was so awesome. It reminded me a little bit of the spirit of GIRLS WITH SHARP STICKS, but written for a younger audience. I loved that vibe about it, though.

I think readers who enjoyed THE RAVEN HEIR or THE OTHER SIDE OF LUCK will really enjoy this one and its celebration of friendship, equality, and courage.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 8 to 12.

Representation
I think Marya and her family have white skin. Her best friend at school has brown skin.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
None.

Romance/Sexual Content
None.

Spiritual Content
Some characters have magical ability. For the men, this is seen as an asset, and they are trained and given wealth and prestige. For the women, this is seen as evidence that they’re evil, and they’re sent to an asylum.

Violent Content
A powerful force called the Dread threatens the kingdom. No one knows how it spreads, but it is deadly.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of THE TROUBLED GIRLS OF DRAGOMIR ACADEMY in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Pretty Funny for a Girl by Rebecca Elliot

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Pretty Funny for a Girl
Rebecca Elliot
Peachtree Publishing Company
Published October 1, 2020

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Pretty Funny for a Girl

Haylah Swinton is an ace best friend, a loving daughter, and an incredibly patient sister to a four-year-old nutcase of a brother. Best of all, she’s pretty confident she’s mastered making light of every situation–from her mom’s new boyfriend to unsolicited remarks on her plus-sized figure. Haylah’s learning to embrace all of her curvy parts and, besides, she has a secret: one day, she’ll be a stand-up comedian star.

So when impossibly cool and thirstalicious Leo reveals he’s also into comedy, Haylah jumps at the chance to ghost-write his sets. But is Leo as interested in returning the favor? Even though her friends warn her of Leo’s intentions, Haylah’s not ready to listen–and she might just be digging herself deeper toward heartbreak. If Haylah’s ever going to step into the spotlight, first she’ll need to find the confidence to put herself out there and strut like the boss she really is.

My Review

Okay, so when I first asked to review this book, I had it mixed up with a different book that I’d wanted to read. Then when I got the book and read the cover copy, I realized it was not the book I’d been thinking of, and I was a little disappointed. Then.

I started reading. And I found that I really liked Haylah’s voice. She’s blunt and pragmatic and, as the title hints, hilarious. I loved her relationship with her mom and little brother. I also loved the way she leaned into her awkwardness. Her way of dealing with kids picking on her is as genius as it is heartbreaking. I wanted to stand up and cheer for her when she changed the name she wanted to be called.

Haylah wrestles with a lot of things on her journey, from finding confidence to believe she can be a comedian to wrestling with how she feels about her body and how to be beautiful in a way that’s authentically hers and stays true to her feminist values. I loved that the story tackled some of those nuanced issues in this really frank, believable way, and in a way that made me laugh out loud and cheer.

If you’re looking for a book packed with humor and personal triumph, PRETTY FUNNY FOR A GIRL needs to be on your shelf.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Haylah is a self-described fat girl. Leo is Black.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Mild profanity used a few times. Some crude language used throughout.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
Some bullying and name-calling.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support running this blog. I received a free copy of PRETTY FUNNY FOR A GIRL in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Wings of Fury by Emily R. King

Book Review and Content, Fantasy, Young Adult/Teen 12-18, , , , , ,

Wings of Fury (Wings of Fury #1)
Emily R. King
47North
Published March 1, 2021

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Wings of Fury

Cronus, God of Gods, whose inheritance is the world. Among his possessions: women, imprisoned and fated to serve. The strong-minded Althea Lambros controls her own fate and lives to honor her dying mother’s plea to protect her two sisters at all costs. Althea’s journey toward crushing the tyranny has begun. It is a destiny foretold by the Fates. And she is following their visions.

On the southern isle of Crete, hidden among mortal women who have fled the Titans, is the Boy God, son of Cronus and believed dead. He shares Althea’s destiny to vanquish the Almighty—fate willing. Because Cronus has caught wind of the plot. He’s amassing his own forces against Althea’s righteous rebellion and all those who will no longer surrender or run. There will be war. If she’s to survive to write their history, the indomitable Althea must soar higher than any god.

My Review

I’m beginning to realize I consistently don’t enjoy certain writing styles. WINGS OF FURY has a lot of really cool elements to it, but it’s written in a kind of internal narrative style without a lot of dialogue. It’s harder for me to really fall in love with a book written that way– not because it’s bad, just personal preference.

Still, the book has a lot of great and interesting elements. It takes place in a fiercely oppressive world in which women have few rights and treated by men as property to be claimed. A girl like Althea, the story’s narrator, can’t help but upset the system in a world like that. She’s bold and strong and unafraid. Her fierce love for her sisters and her promise to her mother to protect them means she’ll face any threat– even the god of gods, Cronos, to keep them safe.

I liked Althea’s fierceness and her love for her sisters. I’m a huge fan of sister stories in general, so that part of the story alone probably would have landed this book high on my reading list. I’m glad I read the book– I liked the mythological retelling and the way the pieces all came together in the end.

Though Althea is a young narrator, probably seventeen or so, I’d say this is more adult fiction with some crossover appeal to teen readers. Check the section below for notes on content.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 16 up.

Representation
Main characters are Greek.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Strong profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
References to sex. References to rape and torture. A man can claim a woman to belong to him by having her tattooed. She is not allowed to refuse. Two women kiss. Kissing and sexual touching between a boy and girl. Some nudity.

Spiritual Content
Gods and goddesses are characters in the story.

Violent Content
Several scenes show and reference women abused by men. Some women cut their own faces to try to make themselves less appealing to men.

Drug Content
Wine and nectar (also causes drunkenness) are consumed socially and at feasts.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support running this blog. I received a free copy of WINGS OF FURY in exchange for my honest review.

Review: We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal

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We Hunt the Flame
Hafsah Faizal
Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Published May 14, 2019

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Book Depository | Indiebound | Goodreads

About We Hunt the Flame

Zafira is the Hunter, disguising herself as a man when she braves the cursed forest of the Arz to feed her people. Nasir is the Prince of Death, assassinating those foolish enough to defy his autocratic father, the king. If Zafira was exposed as a girl, all of her achievements would be rejected; if Nasir displayed his compassion, his father would punish him in the most brutal of ways.

Both are legends in the kingdom of Arawiya—but neither wants to be.

War is brewing, and the Arz sweeps closer with each passing day, engulfing the land in shadow. When Zafira embarks on a quest to uncover a lost artifact that can restore magic to her suffering world and stop the Arz, Nasir is sent by the king on a similar mission: retrieve the artifact and kill the Hunter. But an ancient evil stirs as their journey unfolds—and the prize they seek may pose a threat greater than either can imagine.

Set in a richly detailed world inspired by ancient Arabia, WE HUNT THE FLAME is a gripping debut of discovery, conquering fear, and taking identity into your own hands.

My Review

I read some conflicting reviews of this book before actually sitting down to read it myself, so I was pretty nervous about reading it.

Turns out I didn’t need to worry, though, because I enjoyed the story a lot. The very beginning basically reminded me of what I’d hoped A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES would be. (I DNF’d that book because I couldn’t get past the family dynamics between the main character and her sisters and father. I know, tons of people love the series… it just isn’t for me.)

I’m a huge fan of those angsty heroes who, against all odds, still want to do the right thing. I felt like Nasir hit all those notes for me. He’s an assassin, made to be a cold, unfeeling weapon, and yet, he’s so human and so vulnerable underneath his chilling exterior.

Zafira is tough and smart, and she also feels like she has to put aside her emotions in order to succeed at her quest. But is she stronger without her emotions, really? I love stories that explore those kinds of questions, and WE HUNT THE FLAME totally satisfied on that exploration.

For some reason, though, I didn’t expect it to be an ensemble cast. I assumed that at some point Zafira and Nasir would make a necessary but uneasy alliance but that it would be just the two of them. At first I didn’t invest in the rest of the team because I didn’t expect them to be around long. But as I got to know them, I liked them more and more. (It took me the longest to warm up to Altair, but by the end, I am solidly a fan, and I need to know what happens to him next!)

I really enjoyed reading this book. The characters were deep and engaging, and the story of a land cursed and the quest to break that curse and return magic to the people definitely hooked me. I can’t wait to read the second book in the series, WE FREE THE STARS, which is currently scheduled to come out in January 2021. I think readers who enjoyed SIX OF CROWS or AN EMBER IN THE ASHES will love this one.

Content Notes for We Hunt the Flame

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Set in a fantasy world inspired by ancient Arabia.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Some faux curses like, “Skies.” Some curses in Arabic used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Strong sexual tension– lots of meaningful glances and obvious attraction. Some sensual kissing.

Spiritual Content
Lots of magic. Six sisters with powerful magic once ruled the kingdom, including one who imprisoned evil on an island. On that island there are creatures who impersonate people to trick or confuse Zafira and Nasir and their allies. Shadows and dark make up some magic. A powerful magical being appears to be possessing and controlling someone else.

Violent Content
Scenes show combat between Zaphira, Nasir and their allies and others. Some descriptions of torture that Nasir endured at the hands of his father and an enemy. Brief descriptions of torture.

Drug Content
Some social alcohol drinking.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support the costs of running this blog.