“This is your country, this is your world, this is your body, and you must find some way to live within the all of it.”
In a profound work that pivots from the biggest questions about American history and ideals to the most intimate concerns of a father for his son, Ta-Nehisi Coates offers a powerful new framework for understanding our nation’s history and current crisis. Americans have built an empire on the idea of “race,” a falsehood that damages us all but falls most heavily on the bodies of black women and men—bodies exploited through slavery and segregation, and, today, threatened, locked up, and murdered out of all proportion. What is it like to inhabit a black body and find a way to live within it? And how can we all honestly reckon with this fraught history and free ourselves from its burden?
Between the World and Me is Ta-Nehisi Coates’s attempt to answer these questions in a letter to his adolescent son. Coates shares with his son—and readers—the story of his awakening to the truth about his place in the world through a series of revelatory experiences, from Howard University to Civil War battlefields, from the South Side of Chicago to Paris, from his childhood home to the living rooms of mothers whose children’s lives were taken as American plunder. Beautifully woven from personal narrative, reimagined history, and fresh, emotionally charged reportage, Between the World and Me clearly illuminates the past, bracingly confronts our present, and offers a transcendent vision for a way forward.
My Review
I listened to an audiobook version of this book that was read by the author. It’s a pretty short book, only about 150 pages divided into three chapters. The first two are much longer than the third chapter.
This is Coates’ letter to his son, and it’s about his experience as a young Black man and his thoughts and experiences about becoming a father to a Black son. While this was published in 2015, it could have been written today. Everything in these pages feels just as relevant today as it did almost ten years ago.
One of the things that the author talks about is his relationship to history and education. Some of the ways he describes his interest in or quest to learn more about history really resonated. He talks about wanting history to have one cohesive narrative in which historians agree, and that instead, he found the opposite: lots of voices with different takes on historical events and their significance.
He also talks about realizing that we simplify historical figures into something that we want them to be. This doesn’t allow room for who they truly were because it removes part of their stories. I want to reread that passage in particular because it’s so true, and he says it so well.
Coates also talks about someone he knew in college whose life was cut short when he was killed by a police officer. He returns to this story several times through the book. Again and again he talks about the idea that in this world, safety means having control of your body. And there are situations in which he does not have a guarantee of that control, including in encounters with police.
He refers to “people who think they are white” many times, which I think comes from a quote attributed to James Baldwin. That gave me some food for thought as well, as it really highlights the made-up-ness of race and the self-assigned value of whiteness. Again, a really concise way to say a big idea, something the author does really well.
Overall, this book delivered a lot of ideas that I want to let percolate. I loved reading this vulnerable, wise letter from a father to his son. It makes sense that this one got the awards and acclaim that it has. It’s definitely worth reading.
Content Notes
Recommended for Ages 14 up.
Profanity/Crude Language Content Includes use of the N-word very infrequently.
Romance/Sexual Content Reference to falling in love, getting married, and having a child.
Spiritual Content Coates himself does not believe in God, but he references others that do and the power of that belief in others’ lives.
Violent Content References to racist comments. Vague references to street fights. References to police violence and death at the hands of a police officer.
Drug Content None.
Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use but help support this blog. All opinions are my own.
About Through the Wormhole: Humor, Hope, and Help from One Family with Autism to Another
The call for help seemed to come from the wall, and I knew there wasn’t a secret room there. That’s when I spied two bare feet sticking out of a hole in the wall. Holes in the wall. Setting fires in the house. Secret rooms and monsters in the closets. My wife and I never thought we’d have adventures like these raising our kids. After dealing with ADHD and its issues, we didn’t think autism would be anything we couldn’t handle. Boy were we wrong.
From our family to yours, here are humorous stories from our crazy past, mixed with ideas for handling some of the issues facing a family raising kids with autism. Inside you will find ideas for stimming aids, dietary help, and even links to companies who hire adults with autism. Humor, Hope, and Help for families like yours traveling Through the Wormhole.
My Review
This is the second nonfiction parenting support book that I’ve read by this author. One of the things I really appreciate about his books is his frank humility. It would be so easy to only report the parenting successes and goofball behavior that the kids get into, and instead, he often apologetically shares experiences where he wishes he’d responded differently. There’s something genuinely comforting about someone keeping it real like that– because we’ve all been the parent who lost their temper or said something sarcastic or overlooked something that turned out to be a safety issue.
The book alternates between sharing adventures in parenting a kid on the Autism spectrum and sharing tips and helpful resources, often with hyperlinks. He also shares things about his experience in the Christian church and community that may help parents navigate what isn’t always a neurodiverse kid-friendly atmosphere. Which, again, is the kind of gentle frankness that I really appreciate.
His parenting adventures are also really well-told. I got teary as he talked about saying goodbye to the family dog and laughed aloud at some of the unexpected conclusions his son drew about different situations.
The author’s hard-won parenting wisdom and encouragement to readers to pursue faith, self-education, and compassion for themselves and their kids make this a nice resource for Christian parents with a child on the Autism spectrum or anyone who wants to be better informed about supporting a family with neurodiverse kids.
I hope that parents who read this find it to be a welcoming, compassionate, and encouraging resource. I’ve also reviewed his other parenting book, which discusses his experiences discovering that he has ADHD and how he navigated parenting a child with the diagnosis.
Content Notes
Recommended for Ages 16 up.
Representation The author describes himself as having ADHD with a touch of OCD. At least one of his children has Autism Spectrum Disorder. The author uses the term Aspergers or “Aspy” several times in the text, which may bother some readers. I’m not experienced enough to evaluate the representation in the book.
Profanity/Crude Language Content None.
Romance/Sexual Content None.
Spiritual Content References to prayer, attending church, and other Christian spiritual practices and beliefs.
Violent Content Some descriptions of mildly dangerous things, such as getting stuck on a roof or cleaning out the garage to get rid of spiders.
Drug Content None.
Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions my own.
Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Humans Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD Avid Reader Press Published March 2, 2021
When Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff becomes a mother, she examines the studies behind modern parenting guidance and finds the evidence frustratingly limited and the conclusions often ineffective. Curious to learn about more effective parenting approaches, she visits a Maya village in the Yucatán Peninsula. There she encounters moms and dads who parent in a totally different way than we do—and raise extraordinarily kind, generous, and helpful children without yelling, nagging, or issuing timeouts. What else, Doucleff wonders, are Western parents missing out on?
In HUNT, GATHER, PARENT, Doucleff sets out with her three-year-old daughter in tow to learn and practice parenting strategies from families in three of the world’s most venerable communities: Maya families in Mexico, Inuit families above the Arctic Circle, and Hadzabe families in Tanzania. She sees that these cultures don’t have the same problems with children that Western parents do. Most strikingly, parents build a relationship with young children that is vastly different from the one many Western parents develop—it’s built on cooperation instead of control, trust instead of fear, and personalized needs instead of standardized development milestones.
Maya parents are masters at raising cooperative children. Without resorting to bribes, threats, or chore charts, Maya parents rear loyal helpers by including kids in household tasks from the time they can walk. Inuit parents have developed a remarkably effective approach for teaching children emotional intelligence. When kids cry, hit, or act out, Inuit parents respond with a calm, gentle demeanor that teaches children how to settle themselves down and think before acting. Hadzabe parents are world experts on raising confident, self-driven kids with a simple tool that protects children from stress and anxiety, so common now among American kids.
Not only does Doucleff live with families and observe their techniques firsthand, she also applies them with her own daughter, with striking results. She learns to discipline without yelling. She talks to psychologists, neuroscientists, anthropologists, and sociologists and explains how these strategies can impact children’s mental health and development. Filled with practical takeaways that parents can implement immediately, HUNT, GATHER, PARENT helps us rethink the ways we relate to our children, and reveals a universal parenting paradigm adapted for American families.
My Review
I can already tell I need a hard copy of this book for notes and highlights. Also, I need to listen to the audiobook version again.
The author narrates the audiobook, and I found it easy to listen to her. Her conversational style makes it feel like having a conversation with another mom about common parenting challenges. She also tells stories from the parenting trenches. Plus, a bonus: science!
First off, I really liked the way this book was broken down into parts. First, a research section discusses our (specifically, the WEIRD, Western, United States-based) approach to psychology. It looks at the study of what’s good for children and how much it assumes or misses by ignoring the input of other cultures. Three big parts focus on Doucleff’s time with parents from each of three different cultures: Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe parents.
There are also TONS of helpful tips and ways to put the different concepts Doucleff explores into practice. Looking for ways to get your kids to help with chores? There’s a section for that. Want your littles to be more autonomous? The author’s got you covered. There are so many ideas I want to try in this book. I feel like I’m going to reference it for a while since I can only manage to introduce one or two at a time.
On the whole, this is a super practical, well-researched book that parents of younger children will find especially helpful. Though you can apply the concepts to all ages, I think it’ll be easiest to introduce them to younger kids.
Content Notes
Recommended for Ages whatever age you become a parent. Ha.
Representation The book contains wisdom and teaching from Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe parents and leaders.
Profanity/Crude Language Content Mild profanity used very infrequently.
Romance/Sexual Content None.
Spiritual Content None.
Violent Content None.
Drug Content None.
Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog.
tons of helpful parenting strategies and solutions based on Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe traditions.
With four-year college degrees under our belts and a dab of training in Child Psychology, my wife and I thought we were ready for anything when it came to this parenting gig. We had no idea we would be outnumbered and outgunned. From diet to riot, meds to charts, we’ve tried it all, to train up our ADHD kids in the way they should grow.
From the Home School of Hard Knocks, our four ADHD kids have taught us more about coping and planning ahead than any four-year college degree could have, especially when it comes to understanding what goes on in the mind of a five-year-old in a Buzz Lightyear costume flying on a treadmill. To Infinity, and Beyond.
This is the chronicle of two adult ADHD parents and their four ADHD kids living in a loving madhouse with four neurotic cats and a snow-white bi-eyed monster dog that eats trees. Inside, you will find more laughs and maybe some help and advice for what to do with the ADHD kids in your own home, from someone who’s Been There, Done That.
My Review
Sometimes it’s really nice to listen to other parents talk about the difficulties they’ve faced as parents. It helps us feel less alone. Bonus when the stories are funny.
In this book, the stories about kids, pets, and marriage range from hilarious (using Mom’s face cream to decorate a gingerbread house) to frightening (a car accident with a helicopter ride to the hospital). Over and over, kids do the things that make sense to them in the moment. And well, sometimes moms and dads do that, too. The stories in the book generally feature laughs at the author’s expense. They clearly show his love for his kids (even in the midst of frustrating experiences).
I laughed out loud multiple times reading this book. By chapter four or so, Solaas really hit his stride, and the recurring jokes (free to an unsuspecting home) got funnier and funnier.
Mostly, this is a book of shared experiences. Occasionally, usually toward the end of the chapter, the author will pause and offer a bit of hard-earned wisdom. Sometimes, that’s a simple exhortation to pray for your kids. Sometimes, it’s to share other resources or family values that the author finds personally helpful, including faith-based alternatives to trick-or-treating on Halloween and resources to help the reader craft a family Bible reading time.
Conclusion
Families looking for faith-based parenting books that celebrate neurodiversity and engaging with kids as they are will find LIFE IN HYPERSPACE offers shared experiences and much-needed comfort and joy.
Content Notes for Life in Hyperspace
Recommended for Ages 18 up.
Representation The author, his wife, and all four of his kids have ADHD.
Profanity/Crude Language Content None.
Romance/Sexual Content The author briefly encourages readers to pay attention to the people their kids date and lists some criteria he asked his kids to consider as they dated or considered marrying someone.
Spiritual Content The book is written with a Christian worldview and encourages readers to pray and seek counsel from the Bible and other Christian sources.
Violent Content As the author describes some tense situations with kids, he is candid about feeling angry with them. He references (but doesn’t describe) spanking them– not in anger, though.
At one point, the author briefly relates having had a house fire, some accidents around the house, and later a car accident that caused some serious injuries. There are a couple stories involving animals injured accidentally by a car.
Drug Content The author’s brother jokingly tells him to drink whiskey to cope with caring for a teething baby.
Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of LIFE IN HYPERSPACE in exchange for my honest review.
She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenback, and Joanna Sawatsky Baker Published April 18, 2023
You want your daughter to thrive–to be strong, confident, and equipped to step into the life God has for her.
But what if the church is setting your daughter up to be small?
Armed with data from an all-new survey of over 7,000 women, the authors of THE GREAT SEX RESCUE reveal how experiences in church as teens affect women’s self-esteem and relationships today. They expose common evangelical teachings that can backfire–the purity emphasis that can cause shame rather than good choices, the dating rules that can prime your daughter for abuse, and the one overarching belief that can keep her from setting healthy boundaries.
Instead, the authors advocate biblically grounded, freeing messages that are more about the dos and less about the don’ts. By reframing (and sometimes replacing) common evangelical messages to teen girls, this book will equip you to raise a daughter who can navigate the tumultuous teenage years while still clinging tightly to Jesus.
You can raise your daughter with the discernment to resist toxic teachings. Because she deserves better than a faith that keeps her small.
“Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna are an all-star team, confronting the harm done to our daughters in both the church and the world. The title says it all. Full stop. Our daughters deserve better! This book is full of thorough research, refreshingly commonsense biblical wisdom, and practical help on how to talk with our daughters and prepare them for confidence and maturity.”–Aimee Byrd, author of The Sexual Reformation –This text refers to the paperback edition.
Why I’m Reviewing She Deserves Better
I’m finding writing up my review to be a bit overwhelming, so I’m going to break it down into sections to help me focus my thoughts. First, let’s talk about why I decided to review this book.
I was raised in what would now probably be identified as a fundamentalist/evangelical church. To be honest, I had some good and bad experiences there. That complexity sometimes makes it hard for me to sort out my feelings about certain faith-based things. Though I am still myself a Christian, I am not part of the evangelical community. I once heard someone describe her family as Liberal Christians, and I would say that’s a label that’s closer to accurate for me.
Periodically, I dip my toes into the Christian literary market to try to find books and resources that resonate with me and are things I can confidently promote. Sometimes I regret it. But other times I find books that deeply energize me and encourage me in my faith journey.
I first heard about SHE DESERVES BETTER on one of the authors’ Twitter pages during some discourse about church scandals and the treatment of women in the church. As I read more of the posts on the author’s page, I found I agreed with several of her statements. When I noticed she was part of a team of three women who had a book for moms and daughters coming out, I decided to try to get a copy for review.
Rejecting Purity Culture But Replacing It with… What?
My home growing up didn’t adhere to some fundamentalist ideas, (my mom has always been an assertive person who expresses her views, for example) but we were part of a church community that absolutely preached the values and ideas of purity culture.
While I’ve rejected… most? all? I’m not thoroughly sure here… of those ideas, I’ve struggled to find healthier/more reasonable ways to express what I do believe about some of these issues. For example, I recently had a conversation with a family member about the way my daughter dresses. I don’t have a problem with the way she dresses, but this family member had some concerns and related those concerns in the language of purity culture. “She needs to remember there are boys in the house while she’s wearing those things,” etc.
I defended my daughter (the problem seemed to be that she’s young and curvy) and pretty plainly said that I would not make the burden of someone else’s possible thoughts her responsibility. But I struggled to explain my parental boundaries for her clothing choices. I do have them. But they’re about how she feels about herself and what she thinks about her body, not what someone else thinks. Still, I found myself wishing for a resource to help me quantify this and help me reassure my daughter. I also handle wanted better tools to handle people coming at me with purity culture complaints so I can respond in a way I find satisfying.
My Review of She Deserves Better
Lemme give you the nutshell version first. While I didn’t agree 100% with everything the authors said and how they said it, I came pretty close. I loved the premise of the book. I loved the consistent calls to do what is healthy and loving. The authors also state multiple times the importance of being in a church community that is itself healthy and supportive of young women. They go so far as to counsel families to leave churches with toxic teaching because of the potential damage it can cause. I recommend this book to anyone raised in purity culture and/or anyone raising girls in the church today.
Essentially, they studied the effects of the purity culture movement and other teachings that young women in evangelical churches are often still being taught today. A bible verse warns us to look at the outcomes of behavior using the metaphor of trees producing fruit. If a tree produces bad fruit, the tree should be cut down and tossed in the fire. So the authors break down different teachings and looks at the outcomes. For example, they look at the effects of teaching a girl that her outfit choice can cause a man to sin. Does this make her more likely to end up in an abusive marriage? Does it make her more likely to have low self-esteem? To report problems in her sexual relationship? (Yes to all these.) Things like that.
Tools to Process My Own Experiences and Teach My Daughter a Healthier Way
There were certain chapters that read like pages out of my own life. It was honestly pretty eerie. I’ve known for a long time that some things I believed in high school and shortly afterward were wrong and dangerous, but those beliefs absolutely cost me. They left me vulnerable to situations in which bad stuff happened. They left me feeling as though I didn’t have choices in things that happened, and that I didn’t have any allies to whom I could turn for support.
So. Yeah. I don’t want to pass any of that on to my daughter. We’ve done a lot of learning about consent and a lot of teaching about personal boundaries and expectations. All of the things I’ve learned about those topics lined up with what the authors were saying here in SHE DESERVES BETTER.
I loved that again and again the book comes back to asking the question, “what happens to girls who were raised with these teachings?” That’s so important. We know that some of these things are really harmful, and it’s time to stop teaching them, and to push back in spaces where they are still being taught.
Topics Explored in She Deserves Better
Here’s a list of some of the topics/teachings explored in the book:
How teachings regarding feelings, especially anxiety and depression, can impact a girl’s health and life.
How teachings on boundaries impact girls and the importance of teaching girls they can set personal boundaries and expect them to be respected.
How dating and dating rules impact a girl’s lifelong relationships.
Learning to and teaching girls to identify red flags for toxic or dangerous people.
How a comprehensive sex education empowers girls to be safer and happier longterm.
How teachings about consent impact girls (and boys).
How teachings about modesty or clothing choices impacts how girls see themselves and others.
How teachings about leadership and submission impact girls.
Each chapter gives examples from the authors’ research supporting their assertions. They also offer conversations topics and exercises that moms and daughters could work through together.
Content Notes
Recommended for Ages 16 up.
Representation Doesn’t specify race details in any of the text or example stories. The intended audience is evangelical Christians.
Profanity/Crude Language Content The authors use a metaphor about a candy that tasted delicious but caused explosive diarrhea to describe the harmfulness of teaching that looks or seems biblical at first but is not and causes harm.
Romance/Sexual Content A fair amount of the book focuses on the way parents and church leaders teach girls about sex and relationships. It discusses how those teachings impact the likelihood of good or bad outcomes (happy marriages versus abusive relationships, etc).
The authors talk about the damage caused by rejecting a child or their feelings if they come to you to reveal their gender or sexual identity. Essentially the authors point out that being a part of a faith community generally lowers a child’s chance of experiencing suicidal thoughts or attempting suicide unless they are LGBTQIA+. Then, participation in a church community actually increases the likelihood they’ll have those thoughts or attempts.
Later on, the authors refer to an LGBTQIA+ identity as an “unwanted identity”. I’m not sure from the context if they’re intending to speak globally or referring to the feelings of homophobic parents.
The authors very plainly ask parents to choose to validate and love their kids no matter the feelings they have. They emphasize the importance of support from within their faith community.
Spiritual Content The core premise of the book is to approach teachings about sex and modesty in the church and look at their effect on specifically women’s lives. Do those teachings bear good fruit, as described in Matthew 7:17-18?
Violent Content Brief mentions of domestic violence, assault and abusive relationships.
Drug Content Mentions of teens drinking alcohol and using drugs (as a negative behavior).
Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of SHE DESERVES BETTER in exchange for my honest review.
An enlightening look at how peaceful communication can create compassionate connections with family, friends, and other acquaintances, this international bestseller uses stories, examples, and sample dialogues to provide solutions to communication problems both at home and in the workplace. Guidance is provided on identifying and articulating feelings and needs, expressing anger fully, and exploring the power of empathy in order to speak honestly without creating hostility, break patterns of thinking that lead to anger and depression, and communicate compassionately. Included in the new edition is a chapter on conflict resolution and mediation.
My Review
Okay, so I mentioned before that more than one person has recommended this book to me. First, someone in a book club discussed it when the group read a different book on communication. Then a childhood friend brought it up. We had been talking about resolving conflict and trying to talk about difficult emotions. I tend to use a lot of what Dr. Rosenberg calls “evaluating and diagnosing language” when I talk. I think that’s what made my friend think of this book. Another friend recommended it kind of out of the blue just as a good book to read for communicating needs.
Anyway, it seemed like three recommendations from three unrelated places was plenty of reason to pick up NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION. So I did.
I listened to the audiobook first. Then, I ordered a hard copy so that I could see some of the content and exercises in print. Though I haven’t done the exercises myself yet, I would like to try them. I can see how they would be helpful for me.
One thing I liked about the book is when Dr. Rosenberg offered examples in which other people adopted nonviolent communication. He showed the impact on the conflict or situation they were in. He tells a fair number of examples of what not to do usually based on him guiding people who aren’t using nonviolent communication. Sometimes those got kind of old to me? They sometimes came across like, “Listen while I tell more stories about how silly people are and how smart I am.” Sometimes those stories were really helpful, though.
I like that this way of communicating really boils down to some simple ideas. Describe what happened. State how it made you feel and why the situation didn’t meet a need you have. Ask for a different behavior that would meet that need. Alternately, sometimes simply listening with empathy opens a path through a conflict. I liked the way he broke down how to do that as well.
Another thing that stood out to me is that when we’re faced with a situation where we aren’t able to listen with empathy, that’s a red flag. We need to respond by taking a step back, get some needs met for ourselves first. And then return to try again to listen with empathy. It’s not that I’ve never heard anything like that before, but maybe more that I felt like Dr. Rosenberg qualified that process in a more specific and clear way than I’d heard in other places.
I read some reviews about NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION before picking up the book. A few point out that the book contains a lot of anecdotal evidence and not research, which is true. There are a couple of stories in the book in which women who have been attacked use empathic listening to deescalate the situation they’re in. I thought those were both really powerful. But I also wish there had been some clarifying response after those stories talking about personal safety. Another thing I would have liked is some guidance about using nonviolent communication in situations of abuse or danger. I would have liked for him to clarify when to withdraw or get additional help.
On the whole, though, I’m really glad I read the book, and I’m eager to try to put its principles into practice in my life to see how it affects some of the relationships I have.
Content Notes for Nonviolent Communication
Recommended for Ages 12 up.
Representation Dr. Rosenberg himself is Jewish and speaks about encountering antisemitism.
Profanity/Crude Language Content Mild profanity used infrequently.
Romance/Sexual Content A man approaches a woman and demands that she undress. She uses nonviolent communication to deescalate the situation and he ends up stealing her purse instead of raping her.
Spiritual Content A man asks Dr. Rosenberg’s grandmother for food, saying he is Jesus the Lord. Dr. Rosenberg shares a poem he wrote about his Jewish grandmother’s love for others. He writes that her caring for this man taught him about Jesus.
Violent Content A man attacks a woman, shoving her to the ground and holding a knife to her throat. She uses nonviolent communication to deescalate the situation and is able to calm him down enough to get help.
Drug Content None.
Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog.
