Tag Archives: grief

If We Were Having Coffee – Spring 2022 Update

If We Were Coffee 2022

If We Were Having Coffee – Spring 2022 Update

I first saw Jamie at Perpetual Page Turner do an If We Were Having Coffee post in 2019, which is an idea she got from a life coach. Since then, I’ve been doing them periodically. Lately, it looks like I’m settling into a spring/fall routine. So, here’s my If We Were Having Coffee Spring 2022 update!

If we were having coffee…

I would tell you that I just finished reading THIS REBEL HEART by Katherine Locke. It’s fantastic and also kind of brutal– not the story itself. It’s not particularly violent or anything. Maybe emotionally raw is a better descriptor? Either way, I loved it, but I read it kind of slowly, which is unusual for me. It felt like the right pace for me to read it, though. I posed my review yesterday, so it’s up if you want to find out more.

I’m also currently listening to NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION by Marshall B. Rosenberg, which was recommended to me by more than one friend. Right now, I’m only about 25% of the way through the book, and I feel like it’s one I’ll need to listen to more than once to really absorb the whole message. I’m really intrigued so far, and I want to give myself a trial period and see how practicing nonviolent communication effects relationships for me. I’m not sure that it’s something I’ll adopt as an overall communication strategy, but we’ll see after I’ve read the whole of the book.

If we were having coffee…

I’d want to talk about hard things. I was reading a thread on Twitter in which tons of women shared their experiences with miscarriages, and many commented on how we don’t talk about this experience enough. And that’s so true.

When I’ve talked about my own miscarriages, it seems like often people don’t know what to say, and I want to respect that, but it can be really painful because it feels like this unspoken cue to stop talking about it. It feels like they’re uncomfortable and I can fix that by stopping talking.

We’ve all been in conversations that have a weight to them that we don’t understand, where we feel like we need to say something but have zero idea what the right thing might be. I hate those, too. It can feel like waking up in a minefield and having no idea how to get to safe space again.

If we were having coffee…

If we talked about miscarriages, I’d want to tell you what it was like for me.

I was talking about my miscarriage experiences to a friend last week and this was the explanation that clicked with him. I told him it’s like being betrayed by your body in a deeply painful way. Pregnancy is this process your body is supposed to be able to do all on its own. It’s supposed to protect, nurture, and care for the budding person inside you the way you will care for and protect the baby once they’re born. And instead, it kills your baby. Without your permission or consent. You can literally do nothing to stop this thing from happening. And it’s happening inside your body, so there’s no place to retreat from it.

Also, our healthcare system? Really freaking terrible at handling miscarriages. I couldn’t get one of the medications my doctor wanted to prescribe me. Another wasn’t covered by my insurance at all. At one point I was in the ER, and let me simply say that is NOT a place anyone should experience a miscarriage. Someone in the thread I was reading used the term “undignified,” and yeah. I can honestly say that I’ve NEVER felt more like an object in a petri dish and less like a human being in my life than I did that night.

Everyone’s experience is different. I really, really wanted a baby. So, for me, the grief was very focused on the loss of that person who I was already imagining to be a part of my life and the failure of my body to protect that person.

If we were having coffee…

I’d want to tell you I’m grateful that you’re listening. Grateful that you’re here. The last few years have been really isolating for a lot of us. I’m proud of the ways we’ve found to stay connected. For me, some of this has been through online contact. I have a friend who lives far away, but checks in with me every day or so on my phone to talk about family stuff and bookish or writing stuff. She’s amazing. I’d be lost without her.

Some of it has been outdoor get-togethers, and some indoor get-togethers. I have a friend who meets me for coffee outside (and now sometimes inside!) almost every week since the early COVID days. She’s also a mom, so we talk a lot about the challenges of raising kids. We compare notes on the sometimes impossibility of remembering who you are outside of being that caretaker/chief cook/cruise director. I’d be lost without her, too. She’s awesome.

There are new friends, too. New jokes. New experiences. Lots to look forward to. I’m grateful for all those relationships and moments, too, in life and on here!

If we were having coffee, what would you want to tell me?

What’s on your mind today that you want to share with me? Have you recently read anything you love? Have you had experiences with grief that you wish other people better understood?

Thanks for catching up with me. I appreciate you. <3

Review: This Rebel Heart by Katherine Locke

This Rebel Heart
Katherine Locke
Knopf Books for Young Readers
Published April 5, 2022

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About This Rebel Heart

A tale set amid the 1956 Hungarian revolution in post-WWII Communist Budapest.

In the middle of Budapest, there is a river. Csilla knows the river is magic. During WWII, the river kept her family safe when they needed it most–safe from the Holocaust. But that was before the Communists seized power. Before her parents were murdered by the Soviet police. Before Csilla knew things about her father’s legacy that she wishes she could forget.

Now Csilla keeps her head down, planning her escape from this country that has never loved her the way she loves it. But her carefully laid plans fall to pieces when her parents are unexpectedly, publicly exonerated. As the protests in other countries spur talk of a larger revolution in Hungary, Csilla must decide if she believes in the promise and magic of her deeply flawed country enough to risk her life to help save it, or if she should let it burn to the ground.

My Review of This Rebel Heart

The author’s note at the beginning of the book warns that Hungary’s revolution does not end in victory, so I felt like I read this entire book holding my breath, waiting for that shoe to drop. Which wasn’t a negative for me– just added a lot of intensity.

Csilla was my favorite character, but I loved the other characters, too. I loved the way that magic is woven into the story through Csilla’s relationship with the river. The way that color (or a lack of it) is used in the story, too, is really powerful and cool.

The way the story is written completely captivated me. I felt like I couldn’t stop reading, and like so many of the scenes were just aching– achingly beautiful or haunting or tragic. I feel like it struck something in me really deeply, a kind of connection with a book that I haven’t felt since reading THE BOOK THIEF years ago, where it made me want to call people and read them pages of the story.

I’m trying not to buy any new books right now because SHELF SPACE, but I really want a hard copy of this one. THIS REBEL HEART is the first book I’ve read by Katherine Locke, but obviously I need to read all their other books immediately. I absolutely loved it.

I think readers who enjoyed THE GIRL IN THE BLUE COAT by Monica Hesse or books by Ruta Sepetys would love THIS REBEL HEART.

Content Notes for This Rebel Heart

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Csilla is Jewish. Other characters are gay or bisexual.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used very infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Reference to a kiss between two men. Kissing between two boys. Kissing between a boy and girl. Two boys and a girl are in a romantic relationship together.

Spiritual Content
References to Jewish holidays and practices. One character is an angel of death.

Violent Content
References to genocide, some brief graphic references to death in gas chambers. References to torture and suicide. Brief description as a mob beats a young man to death. Soldiers shoot into a crowd of protestors, killing someone. Some battle violence and other situations of peril.

Drug Content
Characters drink socially at a community dance.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of THIS REBEL HEART in exchange for my honest review.

Review and Blog Tour: A Forgery of Roses by Jessica S. Olson

A Forgery of Roses
Jessica S. Olson
Inkyard Press
Published March 29, 2022

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About A Forgery of Roses

Myra Whitlock has a gift. One many would kill for.

She’s an artist whose portraits alter people’s real-life bodies, a talent she must hide from those who would kidnap, blackmail, and worse in order to control it. Guarding that secret is the only way to keep her younger sister safe now that their parents are gone.

But one frigid night, the governor’s wife discovers the truth and threatens to expose Myra if she does not complete a special portrait that would resurrect the governor’s dead son. Desperate, Myra ventures to his legendary stone mansion.

Once she arrives, however, it becomes clear the boy’s death was no accident. Someone dangerous lurks within these glittering halls. Someone harboring a disturbing obsession with portrait magic.

Myra cannot do the painting until she knows what really happened, so she turns to the governor’s older son, a captivating redheaded poet. Together, they delve into the family’s most shadowed affairs, racing to uncover the truth before the secret Myra spent her life concealing makes her the killer’s next victim.

From SING ME FORGOTTEN author Jessica S. Olson comes a gothic fantasy murder mystery perfect for fans of Kerri Maniscalco and Erin A. Craig.

My Review

Last year I read and loved DOWN COMES THE NIGHT, which also has a creepy, murder mystery in a mansion feel to it. I hoped to find a similar vibe in A FORGERY OF ROSES, and it definitely hit a lot of those notes for me, so I really enjoyed that.

I’m also a huge fan of sister books, so the fact that Myra’s driving goal is to save her sister was also something that drew me to this book. I liked that Lucy is portrayed with a chronic illness. I think she’s also sort of this angelic character– she’s super smart, incredibly supportive of her sister and rarely complains about her own discomfort. I think she would have read as a more real character if she’d at least been grouchy sometimes, or if there was something the sisters consistently argued about or disagreed on.

I liked the way Myra and August’s relationship developed. There were some really fun moments between them, like when they’re exploring a place they shouldn’t be and nearly get caught, so of course they have to cram themselves into a tiny closet together. Ha.

The only thing that I struggled with was that there are a couple moments where characters seemed to suddenly become different than they’d been all the way up to that point in the story. Those caught me by surprise (which is good) but also left me thinking, wait, where did this come from?

Despite that, I enjoyed seeing Myra figure out how to trust others and keep fighting for her family. I think readers who like slow burn romance and fast-paced mysteries in a fantasy world will enjoy this story.

Content Notes for A Forgery of Roses

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Myra’s sister is chronically ill. August has anxiety.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Mild profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl.

Spiritual Content
Characters believe a great painter they call the Artist painted the world, and his Lady was so moved by it that he made the world real for her. Her tears upon first seeing the painting became a roses with special powers.

Violent Content
Someone attacks Myra. She also finds portraits that seem to indicate people were tortured.

Drug Content
Myra attends a party where guests drink champagne.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of A FORGERY OF ROSES in exchange for my honest review.

About the Author

Instagram | Twitter | Website

Jessica S. Olson claims New Hampshire as her home but has somehow found herself in Texas, where she spends most of her time singing praises to the inventor of the air conditioner. When she’s not hiding from the heat, she’s corralling her four wild—but adorable—children, dreaming up stories about kissing and murder and magic, and eating peanut butter by the spoonful straight from the jar. She earned a bachelor’s in English with minors in editing and French, which essentially means she spent all of her university time reading and eating French pastries. She is the author of SING ME FORGOTTEN (2021) and A FORGERY OF ROSES (2022).

Review: Anything But Fine by Tobias Madden

Anything But Fine
Tobias Madden
Page Street Kids
Published March 29, 2022

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Anything But Fine

All it takes is one missed step for your life to change forever.

Luca Mason knows exactly who he is and what he wants: In six months, he’s going to be accepted into the Australian Ballet School, leave his fancy private high school, and live his life as a star of the stage—at least that’s the plan until he falls down a flight of stairs and breaks his foot in a way he can never recover from.

With his dancing dreams dead on their feet, Luca loses his performing arts scholarship and transfers to the local public school, leaving behind all his ballet friends and his whole future on stage.

The only bright side is that he strikes up unlikely friendships with the nicest (and nerdiest) girl at his new school, Amina, and the gorgeous, popular, and (reportedly) straight school captain, Jordan Tanaka-Jones.

As Luca’s bond with Jordan grows stronger, he starts to wonder: who is he without ballet? And is he setting himself up for another heartbreak?

My Review

If you know me at all, you know that as a former dancer myself, I can’t resist a book about ballet. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book with a dancer as the main character who was also a boy, so this is a first for me.

Honestly, I was nervous going into the book because I figured the injury and grief part of the story would hit me really hard, and it definitely did. I cried through so many pages of this book. So many of Luca’s thoughts and feelings about ballet resonated with me. It brought up some stuff for me that I don’t think was resolved, either. So I definitely had a very personal experience with this book.

In addition to that, I loved the story. The relationships are messy and complex, which made them seem very real. Sometimes relationships like that leave me frustrated because of toxic behaviors that don’t get addressed within the scope of the story, but I feel like ANYTHING BUT FINE really hit a great balance with those issues. Even if the offending character never accounted for or apologized for their behavior, other characters condemned it. Luca also did a lot of growing and processing himself, so I felt like even where there wasn’t a neat resolution, I could see him at least processing things and learning and growing.

Lots of moments in this book surprised me. There’s one moment with Luca in the ballet studio where he describes what it’s like to be there and how he’s feeling, and I didn’t expect anything about that whole scene, but it made so much sense. I think I cried the most in that scene, too. Ha.

I laughed a lot reading this book, too. Luca’s awkward insights and silly comments added a lot of fun to the story. Can I just say the description of a ballerina trying to do normal people party dancing looking like a baby giraffe learning to walk is so one hundred percent right on. I have never felt so seen.

Now that I’m thinking about which other ballet books I can compare this one to, I’m realizing that most of the other dance books I’ve read are much more angsty and dark than this one is. I love that about ANYTHING BUT FINE, too.

I think readers who enjoyed KATE IN WAITING by Becky Albertalli would enjoy this book.

Content Notes for Anything But Fine

Recommended for Ages 16 up

Representation
Luca is gay. Another character has relationships with girls and then a boy. One character is Indonesian and a Muslim. One character’s mom is Japanese.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used pretty frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Two boys kissing. One scene shows brief sexual touching.

Spiritual Content
Amina is a Muslim and wears a hijab. She describes celebrations and holidays like Ramadan and Eid. Jordan talks about celebrating a Japanese holiday, Bon, with his family.

Violent Content – Trigger warning for homophobic and Islamophobic slurs.
Two boys get into a fistfight. Boys say homophobic slurs to Luca multiple times in multiple scenes. Two characters say Islamophobic and xenophobic insults to Amina.

Drug Content
Teen characters drink alcohol in multiple scenes.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of ANYTHING BUT FINE in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Wrecked by Heather Henson

Wrecked
Heather Henson
Atheneum/Caitlyn Dlouhy Books
Published on March 22, 2022

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Wrecked

For as long as Miri can remember it’s been her and her dad, Poe, in Paradise—what Poe calls their home, hidden away from prying eyes in rural Kentucky. It’s not like Miri doesn’t know what her dad does or why people call him “the Wizard.” It’s not like she doesn’t know why Cal, her one friend and Poe’s right-hand man, patrols the grounds with a machine gun. Nothing new, but lately Paradise has started to feel more like a prison.

Enter Fen. The new kid in town could prove to be exactly the distraction Miri needs…but nothing is ever simple. Poe doesn’t take kindly to strangers. Fen’s DEA agent father is a little too interested in Miri’s family. And Cal isn’t satisfied with being just friends with Miri anymore. But what’s past is prologue—it’s what will follow that will wreck everything.

Shining a klieg light on the opioid crisis coursing through this country, WRECKED will have readers on the edge of their seat right up until the explosive ending.

My Review

First, let me say that this book is an incredible, wild ride. I love Fen and Miri! Clay broke my heart. For a short book (272 pages) it packs a huge punch in emotions and action.

So I’m not generally the biggest insta-love fan, but I think the whole, “Fen and Miri have just met, but they share this instant connection” actually worked for me in this book. In part it worked because it felt like an emotional connection between outcasts and oddballs, not a connection based on their physical attraction for each other. It wasn’t even overtly romantic at first. That definitely hooked me.

The secrets Miri keeps are huge. Just being friends with Fen could blow her whole life apart. Fen is used to people’s eyes glazing over when he tries to explain his love for his soundscapes, so he’s kind of given up on anyone understanding him, ever, when he meets Miri.

The third POV character is Clay, a boy in love with Miri. A childhood friend of hers who has been brought into the family by Miri’s dad. I liked his character, too. He has such a tragic past. He’s fiercely loyal to Miri and her family. He needs to be recognized as valuable to someone.

All that comes together in a high-intensity story set just outside a meth lab. I’m a little confused because the cover copy talks about this story bringing attention to the opioid epidemic, but I didn’t think meth was an opiate? I thought it was a stimulant? So I don’t know if it’s been reclassified (a quick google search seems to indicate no?) or if that’s kind of a marketing thing. Connect the book to the opioid crisis because it’s higher profile right now than meth addiction? I don’t know.

Conclusion

All in all, I enjoyed the story and read it really quickly. I didn’t want to stop because it felt like all the dominoes were always about to fall. I think fans of books by Ellen Hopkins will like the gritty writing (though this isn’t written in verse) and the gripping characters.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Major characters are white.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. At one point they both take tops off.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
More than once a boy is threatened at gunpoint. A boy walks into a burning building because his friends are inside.

Drug Content
Several characters abuse crystal meth and/or drink alcohol.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of WRECKED in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Great or Nothing by Joy McCullough, Caroline Tung Richmond, Tess Sharpe, and Jessica Spotswood

Great or Nothing
Joy McCullough, Caroline Tung Richmond, Tess Sharpe, and Jessica Spotswood
Delacorte Press
Published March 8, 2022

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Great or Nothing

In the spring of 1942, the United States is reeling from the attack on Pearl Harbor. While the US starts sending troops to the front, the March family of Concord, Massachusetts grieves their own enormous loss: the death of their daughter, Beth.

Under the strain of their grief, Beth’s remaining sisters fracture, each going their own way with Jo nursing her wounds and building planes in Boston, Meg holding down the home front with Marmee, and Amy living a secret life as a Red Cross volunteer in London–the same city where one Mr. Theodore Laurence is stationed as an army pilot.

Each March sister’s point of view is written by a separate author, three in prose and Beth’s in verse, still holding the family together from beyond the grave. Woven together, these threads tell a story of finding one’s way in a world undergoing catastrophic change.

A reimagining of Little Women set in the spring of 1942, when the United States is suddenly embroiled in the second World War, this story, told from each March sister’s point of view, is one of grief, love, and self-discovery.

My Review

I think the idea of this book is really cool. It seemed (I have zero experience to back this up) pretty thoroughly researched– there were lots of descriptions of clothes, food, and common words or phrases that either fit with other things I knew about the 1940s or felt pretty on point for what I expected from a story set in that era. There were also lots of references to historical facts and events, from the attack at Pearl Harbor to women working in factories and flying planes (not in combat).

So all that made the story feel really immersed in the time period, and I liked that. What I struggled with, though, is that sometimes I felt like the atmosphere or the setting dominated the story. This happened to me especially with Amy’s character, I think, but not exclusively. Her way of thinking and speaking was so steeped in lingo from the period that sometimes I just felt like I didn’t connect with her.

I thought the decision to tell the story beginning after Beth’s death but still include her as an observer was really interesting. Her chapters are written in verse, and often they add something to what’s happening with her sisters. Sometimes they reveal more things about who she was and her own hopes and dreams. I liked those moments a lot.

One of my favorite things about the book is that in this story, Jo finds another writer, a woman who’s goal is to be a war correspondent. They bond over challenges in their relationships with their sisters, writing, and being dissatisfied with what they’re told are the conventional roles of women. I think seeing the connection between those two as writers and women finding where they belong in the world made for a powerful story to read.

On the whole, I’m not sorry I read the book as there are several things I really enjoyed. It wasn’t what I expected, though.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Jo and Charlie are lesbians. One minor character is Japanese American.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Mild profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. Kissing between two girls.

Spiritual Content
Joe, Meg, Amy, and Beth’s father is an Army Chaplain.

Violent Content
Some racist comments toward a Japanese American girl and about Japanese Americans. Some racist comments about Black soldiers. Two men get into a fight in a hotel ballroom.

Drug Content
Characters often drink champagne. Amy is underage at sixteen.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of GREAT OR NOTHING in exchange for my honest review.