Tag Archives: Suicide

Review: This Is Me Trying by Racquel Marie

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This is Me Trying by Racquel Marie

This Is Me Trying
Racquel Marie
Feiwel & Friends
Published

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About This Is Me Trying

Perfect for fans of Nina LaCour, This is Me Trying is a profound and tender YA contemporary novel exploring grief, love, and guilt from author Racquel Marie.

Growing up, Bryce, Beatriz, and Santiago were inseparable. But when Santiago moved away before high school, their friendship crumbled. Three years later, Bryce is gone, Beatriz is known as the dead boy’s girlfriend, and Santiago is back.

The last thing Beatriz wants is to reunite with Santiago, who left all her messages unanswered while she drowned alone in grief over Bryce’s death by suicide. Even if she wasn’t angry, Santiago’s attempts to make amends are jeopardizing her plan to keep the world at arm’s length―equal parts protection and punishment―and she swore to never let anyone try that again.

Santiago is surprised to find the once happy-go-lucky Bea is now the gothic town loner, though he’s unsurprised she wants nothing to do with him. But he can’t fix what he broke between them while still hiding what led him to cut her off in the first place, and it’s harder to run from his past when he isn’t states away anymore.

Inevitably drawn back together by circumstance and history, Beatriz and Santiago navigate grief, love, mental illness, forgiveness, and what it means to try to build a future after unfathomable loss.

My Review

I can’t resist a new book by Racquel Marie, so I knew I would have to read this one. It’s different than her previous two books, both of which had only female narrators. Different doesn’t mean bad, though. I liked both Santiago and Beatriz as narrators. On the surface, this book seems like a simple story, but the author weaves in so many layers that it takes us the whole book to unwind them all.

Both Santi and Bea have complicated relationships with their parents and are raised by one parent. In Santi’s case, his supportive guardian is his grandfather, and his dad flits in and out of his life, pursuing his dream to be a professional musician. Bea’s mom is kind of the opposite. Having a child very young made her curve her life around her daughter and devote herself to making sure Bea had everything she needed.

The elephant in the room, of course, is the death of Santiago’s best friend and Bea’s boyfriend, Bryce. It’s been nearly three years, but those wounds remain fresh for both of them, and they avoid or deal with their grief in different ways.

One of the things I really liked about the book is the descriptions of Bea’s hair, makeup, and clothes. She has a very goth style going on that reminded me of someone I went to school with. I liked that even though the people who know her can see through her prickly exterior and realize that she’s lonely and hurting, they don’t blow through her boundaries. They make their case. They offer. But ultimately, if she asks them to leave her alone, they do.

As the story progresses and the layers unwind, I couldn’t help getting more and more caught up in the story. Grief is hard, even when it’s not as complicated as this. The author does a phenomenal job bringing that complexity to the page and making room to celebrate relationships and beauty as well.

Also: bonus for having an adorable black cat named Lottie to flit in and out of scenes the way cats do! The scenes in which Bea walks her cat with a leash are awesome.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Important characters have depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and intrusive thoughts and behaviors fueled by obsessive-compulsive disorder OCD. Beatriz is biracial, with a Colombian American mom and white dad. Santiago is Latino American. Beatriz identifies as pansexual. Santiago identifies as queer. A couple minor characters are lesbians. One is nonbinary.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. References to kissing between two boys and sex between two girls. References to sex between a boy and girl. (All sex happens off-scene.)

Bea’s mom got pregnant as a teenager. Bea imagines what that life was like and how it impacted her mom’s plans.

Spiritual Content
People gather for a memorial service for a boy who died. Later, someone comments that he is looking down on his friends.

Violent Content
References to a boy who died by suicide (the method is never disclosed). Characters discuss suicidal ideation and morbid ideation. The story focuses on grief from this loss as well as the loss of parents due to a car accident or cancer.

In one scene, a boy behaves in a predatory way toward another person, pursuing them when the person makes it clear they do not want the attention. The person’s friends stop the boy from harassing them.

A boy and girl (minor characters) have an emotionally abusive relationship operating around the fringes of the story.

A girl hurts her hand punching a boy.

Drug Content
Teens drink alcohol at a party. A drunk boy calls a girl to give him a ride home. Some characters smoke.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use but help support this blog. I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

Review: If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come by Jen St. Jude

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If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come
Jen St. Jude
Bloomsbury YA
Published May 9, 2023

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If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come

WE ARE OKAY meets THEY BOTH DIE AT THE END in this YA debut about queer first love and mental health at the end of the world-and the importance of saving yourself, no matter what tomorrow may hold.

Avery Byrne has secrets. She’s queer; she’s in love with her best friend, Cass; and she’s suffering from undiagnosed clinical depression. But on the morning Avery plans to jump into the river near her college campus, the world discovers there are only nine days left to an asteroid is headed for Earth, and no one can stop it.

Trying to spare her family and Cass additional pain, Avery does her best to make it through just nine more days. As time runs out and secrets slowly come to light, Avery would do anything to save the ones she loves. But most importantly, she learns to save herself. Speak her truth. Seek the support she needs. Find hope again in the tomorrows she has left.

IF TOMORROW DOESN’T COME is a celebration of queer love, a gripping speculative narrative, and an urgent, conversation-starting book about depression, mental health, and shame.

My Review

One of the things I’m learning about the way I manage reviews is that it doesn’t allow me to be a mood reader as often as I’d like. Lots of times, I don’t think it matters, because I have pretty broad interests. Books like this, though, which touch on deeply painful issues like depression and, you know, the literal end of the world, would probably be better suited to a mood read experience.

That said, I liked a lot of things about this book even with its heavy topics. Much of the story is told in two timelines, which gives us a chance to see Avery’s backstory play out in real time. We get to experience her plunge into depression and loneliness. We are with her as she realizes she’s in love with her best friend. Getting to experience those moments with her firsthand means that as we zip back to the present, a scant few days before an asteroid will destroy life on earth, the relationships with her family and with her best friend Cass feel fraught and raw, as if those other memories just happened. I thought that was a smart way to tell the story and give the relationships and history a centerstage feeling without letting the whole end-of-the-world element upstage everything.

Avery’s brother and his family? His wife and their three year old son? OMG. They absolutely wrecked me. I mean, completely demolished. I loved them even though thinking about parenting a small child in a moment like that is heartbreaking and terrifying.

On the whole? I think in concept, this book reminds me a little bit of THIS IS NOT A TEST by Courtney Summers because that’s also about a girl who is suicidal and faced with the potential end of the world, in this case a zombie apocalypse. The emotional depth of the story really moved me, and the relationships between characters and moments showing the beauty of life and humanity made this a lovely read.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Avery has undiagnosed clinical depression and is suicidal. She’s also in love with a girl. Cass is a lesbian and biracial. She’s Mexican American and Indian American. A minor character is a Muslim.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between two girls. Sex between two girls.

Spiritual Content
Avery is raised Catholic. She prays and volunteers with the church and has a pretty deep guilt complex over things. She’s been raised to believe that being gay is a sin. A priest tells her this and also that suicide is the greatest sin. (Super yuck.) She later tells the priest this is harmful and not to do this to anyone else. A family member also publicly affirms her in front of the church.

Violent Content
In the opening scene, Avery is on the brink of killing herself. There are rumors of shootings, riots, and other violence once news spreads of the asteroid heading toward earth. Two men with guns tie up a couple and steal their stuff. A man with a gun and another man threaten and chase two girls.

Drug Content
Teens drink alcohol. References to smoking pot.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of IF TOMORROW DOESN’T COME in exchange for my honest review. All opinions my own.

Review: The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

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The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Stephen Chbosky
MTV Books
Published August 14, 2012 (Orig. 1999)

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About The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Read the cult-favorite coming-of-age story that takes a sometimes heartbreaking, often hysterical, and always honest look at high school in all its glory. Now a major motion picture starring Logan Lerman and Emma Watson, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a funny, touching, and haunting modern classic.

The critically acclaimed debut novel from Stephen Chbosky, Perks follows observant “wallflower” Charlie as he charts a course through the strange world between adolescence and adulthood. First dates, family drama, and new friends. Sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Devastating loss, young love, and life on the fringes. Caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it, Charlie must learn to navigate those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up.

A years-long #1 New York Times bestseller, an American Library Association Best Book for Young Adults and Best Book for Reluctant Readers, and with millions of copies in print, this novel for teen readers (or “wallflowers” of more-advanced age) will make you laugh, cry, and perhaps feel nostalgic for those moments when you, too, tiptoed onto the dance floor of life.

My Review

I read this book (last year!) because a friend recommended it, and I’d been curious about it already. I already owned a copy, so it was an easy choice. One of the few things I knew about the book going in was that it’s been challenged or banned a LOT in schools, so I figured there would be some heavy content.

My copy of THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER has editorial reviews on the first page, so those were the first thing I read. Let me just say I have some questions for the person who reviewed this book for the LA Times. This is from the review: “Charlie is such a completely good, pure human being… In this culture where adolescence is a dirty word, I hope nothing bad happens to this kid.”

I’m not sure I read the same book that person did, because like… wow. SO MANY BAD THINGS HAPPENED TO CHARLIE!! It makes me wonder, does this person think those things weren’t so bad? Did this person accidentally skip those scenes or something? Not to spoil the story or anything, but seriously. This is not a light read. It’s a compelling, aching read. I think it lives up to the comparisons to Holden Caulfield in CATCHER IN THE RYE. But I’d never call it light.

Please do not pick up this book thinking you’ll make it to the back cover carrying the hope that nothing bad will happen to Charlie.

So… what did I love about this book? I loved the friendships between Charlie, Sam, and Patrick. I liked the way they were protective of each other and listened to each other. In the relationship between Sam and Charlie especially, I liked the way she challenged him to take action and make choices for himself. I liked that she tried not to judge him as he struggled to figure things out.

I think readers who enjoyed LOOKING FOR ALASKA by John Green or SURRENDER YOUR SONS by Adam Sass will like this book.

Content Notes for The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Content warning for suicide, rape, sexual abuse, homophobic slurs, graphic violence, alcohol and drug use. Details below.

Recommended for Ages 16 up.

Representation
One of Charlie’s best friends, Patrick, is gay.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used pretty frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. Kissing between two boys. References to sex between two boys. A couple scenes shows making out between a boy and girl without their shirts. In one scene, they touch each other sexually.

One scene shows a boy raping a girl. In another scene, a character remembers being sexually abused as a child. Other scenes reference the fact that a character was sexually abused and that it ruined her life.

There’s a reference late in the book to the sexual abuse of a child, but it’s referred to as a man “fooling around” with the child, which implies that it isn’t criminal or serious, which it is.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
A boy hits Charlie’s sister. Charlie beats up a kid at school who was bullying him. A boy’s father walks in on him having sex with another boy and begins hitting him. A boy directs a homophobic slur at another boy. He and his friends beat the boy up. Charlie joins the fight trying to even the odds against his friend.

Early in the book we learn that one of Charlie’s friends committed suicide. He gave Charlie a poem before he died which includes a graphic description of suicide at the end of it.

Drug Content
A boy begins using alcohol and drugs daily. Charlie drinks alcohol with his friends, smokes pot, and tries LSD. Sam and Patrick smoke cigarettes, too. Charlie begins smoking cigarettes.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog.

Review: Cracked Up to Be by Courtney Summers

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Cracked Up to Be
Courtney Summers
Wednesday Books
Published (re-release) February 4, 2020

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About Cracked Up to Be

When “Perfect” Parker Fadley starts drinking at school and failing her classes, all of St. Peter’s High goes on alert. How has the cheerleading captain, girlfriend of the most popular guy in school, consummate teacher’s pet, and future valedictorian fallen so far from grace?

Parker doesn’t want to talk about it. She’d just like to be left alone, to disappear, to be ignored. But her parents have placed her on suicide watch and her conselors are demanding the truth. Worse, there’s a nice guy falling in love with her and he’s making her feel things again when she’d really rather not be feeling anything at all.

Nobody would have guessed she’d turn out like this. But nobody knows the truth.

Something horrible has happened, and it just might be her fault.

My Review

I’m a fan of Courtney Summers’ writing and the often heartbreaking stories she boldly tells of girls who are angry and sad and recovering from trauma.

It’s interesting to me that there’s so much emphasis on the characters as unlikeable. I totally see why people classify them that way. And there’s one of her books where I really struggled with liking the main character, but it’s definitely not this one.

Parker’s clearly a mess and in the midst of a pretty sharp downward spiral. There’s a constant tug of war in her over punishing herself for her past mistakes and yet still wanting to be loved despite them, even though she doesn’t feel like she deserves it.

I’m often really moved by the community element in the stories I read, and the community around Parker in CRACKED UP TO BE definitely moved me. Her friends and teachers aren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But they care about Parker, and in their sometimes weird, sometimes broken, sometimes imperfect ways, they continue to reach out to her and try to help her in her recovery. That really got to me. And in a way I thought it showed other sides of Parker than she wanted to show us in her version of her story.

I saw other readers comment that they were driven to know what had happened to Parker. It remains a mystery through most of the book, but it drove me forward. Her behavior convinced me that something terrible had happened, and I knew that either she would have to face it or be destroyed by it.

CRACKED UP TO BE is, at times, a difficult/dark read, but I spent every page rooting for Parker, hoping for her to find a breakthrough and be able to start healing. It’s a great book for fans of angsty stories like WE WERE LIARS by E. Lockhart and YOU’LL MISS ME WHEN I’M GONE by Rachel Lynn Solomon.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 16 up.

Representation
Most of the characters are white.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used pretty frequently. Some crude/sexual comments.

Romance/Sexual Content – Trigger Warning
Kissing between boy and girl. References to sex. Brief, disjointed description of a rape. It’s more a snapshot description of the scene and then the realization that it’s a rape.

Spiritual Content
Parker and her friends attend a private Catholic school. One scene takes place in the school’s chapel.

Violent Content – Trigger Warning
A couple very brief, violent moments. See romantic content. Also at one point a boy starts to attack a girl. References to two suicide attempts.

Drug Content
Several scenes show teens drinking alcohol. There’s some reference to taking pills as part of a suicide attempt.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support the costs of running this blog. I received a free copy of CRACKED UP TO BE in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Coral by Sara Ella

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Coral
Sara Ella
Thomas Nelson
Published November 12, 2019

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About Coral

There is more than one way to drown.

Coral has always been different, standing out from her mermaid sisters in a society where blending in is key. Worse yet, she fears she has been afflicted with the dreaded Disease, said to be carried by humans—emotions. Can she face the darkness long enough to surface in the light?

Above the sea, Brooke has nothing left to give. Depression and anxiety have left her feeling isolated. Forgotten. The only thing she can rely on is the numbness she finds within the cool and comforting ocean waves. If only she weren’t stuck at Fathoms—a new group therapy home that promises a second chance at life. But what’s the point of living if her soul is destined to bleed?

Merrick may be San Francisco’s golden boy, but he wants nothing more than to escape his controlling father. When his younger sister’s suicide attempt sends Merrick to his breaking point, escape becomes the only option. If he can find their mom, everything will be made right again—right?

When their worlds collide, all three will do whatever it takes to survive, and Coral might even catch a prince in the process. But what—and who—must they leave behind for life to finally begin?

Taking a new twist on Hans Christian Andersen’s beloved—yet tragic—fairy tale, Coral explores mental health from multiple perspectives, questioning what it means to be human in a world where humanity often seems lost.

My Review

CORAL follows three different points-of-view: a girl who’s reluctantly addressing her suicidal feelings, a boy whose sister recently tried to die by suicide, and a mermaid whose sister seems to be succumbing to a deadly illness. At first I thought the mermaid sections would be a sort of direct retelling of Andersen’s fairy tale, and there are some similarities. But it’s a very re-imagined version of the story with a much broader look at heartbreak and depression how devastating they can be.

I feel like it took me a long time to get this book. It has three different points of view that eventually collide, and I kept trying to guess how they intersected. (Not the way I guessed.) Once they did, it was a little confusing for me to think back through the earlier part of the story and have it all make sense with the new information. Maybe just because it was a direction I didn’t expect? I’m not sure.

I really like the way the story shows how overpowering emotions and depression can be. I felt like it was easy to understand Brooke’s dark feelings, and the connection to the Little Mermaid fairy tale made sense in broad strokes.

Throughout CORAL, there’s a running theme where things aren’t what they seem. Merrick’s relationships with almost every other character surprise him. Brooke’s secrets change things, too. It created a layered feel to the story that I enjoyed. We aren’t always right about people– sometimes even the ones closest to us. So that rang true for me.

Overall, I thought CORAL was imaginative and a powerful exploration of emotions and depression. If you liked Sara Ella’s other books, I think you’ll like CORAL, too. Fans of the Syrena Legacy by Anna Banks will like the blend of mermaids and modern setting, too.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Merrick and his sister have Japanese grandparents on their dad’s side. Merrick’s sister and Brooke both battle depression and suicidal thoughts.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
None.

Romance/Sexual Content
Brief kissing between boy and girl.

Spiritual Content
In Coral’s world, emotions are a sign of a disease that leads to death she refers to as Red Tide.

Violent Content – Trigger Warning for Suicide
Some references to and brief descriptions of suicide. Some suicidal ideation.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support the costs of running this blog. I received a free copy of CORAL in exchange for my honest review.

Review: A Tragic Kind of Wonderful by Eric Lindstrom

Book Review and Content, Contemporary, Young Adult/Teen 12-18, , , , , ,

A Tragic Kind of Wonderful
Eric Lindstrom
Harper Collins Publishers
Published December 29, 2016

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About A TRAGIC KIND OF WONDERFUL

For sixteen-year-old Mel Hannigan, bipolar disorder makes life unpredictable. Her latest struggle is balancing her growing feelings in a new relationship with her instinct to keep everyone at arm’s length. And when a former friend confronts Mel with the truth about the way their relationship ended, deeply buried secrets threaten to come out and upend her shaky equilibrium.

As the walls of Mel’s compartmentalized world crumble, she fears the worst—that her friends will abandon her if they learn the truth about what she’s been hiding. Can Mel bring herself to risk everything to find out?

My Review

So many thoughts on this book keep rattling around in my head. On the one hand, I loved that A TRAGIC KIND OF WONDERFUL shows a positive representation of medication to regulate mental health issues. Mel wants to be on medication. She recognizes that it helps her be more herself and helps keep her safe.

Also, Mel’s a fixer. She likes everyone to get along. She soothes people, avoids conflict, and will take herself out of a situation if she feels like her presence is only adding conflict to it. I really identified with her in that regard. My favorite parts of A TRAGIC KIND OF WONDERFUL are about Mel learning how to fight– for herself, for her friends, for permission from herself just to be. A lot of those struggles hit home in a big way for me.

If you know anything about books, you probably guess that while Mel wants to be on her meds and is in regular therapy appointments, she has a pretty big crash. I feel like I’m not qualified to speak to the authenticity of her experience, but it felt very real reading each scene where she unravels. The writing allowed me to feel both in her head and like an observer, watching and hoping someone noticed what was going on before she completely spiraled out of control.

It’s weird– I keep noticing the presence of community in stories lately and the message that we need a community around us, and often, our community will stand by us through things we sometimes thought would scare them off. I loved those elements of A TRAGIC KIND OF WONDERFUL, too, from the sweet watchful residents of the nursing home where Mel works to her friends and even her mom.

There are a couple of rough scenes that might be difficult for sensitive readers. I’ll include some notes on those below in the content section, so be sure to check those out.

If you loved STARFISH by Akemi Dawn Bowman or THE UNLIKELY HERO OF ROOM 13B by Teresa Toten, you will want to check out A TRAGIC KIND OF WONDERFUL by Eric Lindstrom.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 15 up.

Representation
One of Mel’s best friends is Japanese. She makes friends with a Chinese boy at the nursing home where she works. Mel has bipolar disorder. Her brother had the same diagnosis and Mel’s aunt has many of the same symptoms, though she’s undiagnosed and refuses medication.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
At least a dozen instances of profanity, including f***.

Romance/Sexual Content
A boy and girl kiss. A girl and girl kiss and grope each other under their shirts.

Spiritual Content
Brief reference to Buddhism. Mel plays piano with a retired reverend. Sometimes they play hymns together. He asks her to play as his way to lift her up.

Violent Content – Trigger Warning and Spoiler
Mel resists memories of her brother’s death, something she witnessed that’s obviously really traumatic for her.

He did a super dangerous thing and died doing it. She wonders if he did it on purpose. Then she returns to the scene of his death with the intention of repeating what he tried to do. She isn’t thinking of killing herself, but she repeatedly does things which behaviorally are suicidal.

Drug Content 
Mel drinks alcohol with her friends and ends up with a terrible hangover.

Note: I received a free copy of A TRAGIC KIND OF WONDERFUL by Eric Lindstrom in exchange for my honest review. This post contains affiliate links which cost you nothing but which help support this blog.