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Review: This Is Me Trying by Racquel Marie

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This is Me Trying by Racquel Marie

This Is Me Trying
Racquel Marie
Feiwel & Friends
Published

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About This Is Me Trying

Perfect for fans of Nina LaCour, This is Me Trying is a profound and tender YA contemporary novel exploring grief, love, and guilt from author Racquel Marie.

Growing up, Bryce, Beatriz, and Santiago were inseparable. But when Santiago moved away before high school, their friendship crumbled. Three years later, Bryce is gone, Beatriz is known as the dead boy’s girlfriend, and Santiago is back.

The last thing Beatriz wants is to reunite with Santiago, who left all her messages unanswered while she drowned alone in grief over Bryce’s death by suicide. Even if she wasn’t angry, Santiago’s attempts to make amends are jeopardizing her plan to keep the world at arm’s length―equal parts protection and punishment―and she swore to never let anyone try that again.

Santiago is surprised to find the once happy-go-lucky Bea is now the gothic town loner, though he’s unsurprised she wants nothing to do with him. But he can’t fix what he broke between them while still hiding what led him to cut her off in the first place, and it’s harder to run from his past when he isn’t states away anymore.

Inevitably drawn back together by circumstance and history, Beatriz and Santiago navigate grief, love, mental illness, forgiveness, and what it means to try to build a future after unfathomable loss.

My Review

I can’t resist a new book by Racquel Marie, so I knew I would have to read this one. It’s different than her previous two books, both of which had only female narrators. Different doesn’t mean bad, though. I liked both Santiago and Beatriz as narrators. On the surface, this book seems like a simple story, but the author weaves in so many layers that it takes us the whole book to unwind them all.

Both Santi and Bea have complicated relationships with their parents and are raised by one parent. In Santi’s case, his supportive guardian is his grandfather, and his dad flits in and out of his life, pursuing his dream to be a professional musician. Bea’s mom is kind of the opposite. Having a child very young made her curve her life around her daughter and devote herself to making sure Bea had everything she needed.

The elephant in the room, of course, is the death of Santiago’s best friend and Bea’s boyfriend, Bryce. It’s been nearly three years, but those wounds remain fresh for both of them, and they avoid or deal with their grief in different ways.

One of the things I really liked about the book is the descriptions of Bea’s hair, makeup, and clothes. She has a very goth style going on that reminded me of someone I went to school with. I liked that even though the people who know her can see through her prickly exterior and realize that she’s lonely and hurting, they don’t blow through her boundaries. They make their case. They offer. But ultimately, if she asks them to leave her alone, they do.

As the story progresses and the layers unwind, I couldn’t help getting more and more caught up in the story. Grief is hard, even when it’s not as complicated as this. The author does a phenomenal job bringing that complexity to the page and making room to celebrate relationships and beauty as well.

Also: bonus for having an adorable black cat named Lottie to flit in and out of scenes the way cats do! The scenes in which Bea walks her cat with a leash are awesome.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Important characters have depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and intrusive thoughts and behaviors fueled by obsessive-compulsive disorder OCD. Beatriz is biracial, with a Colombian American mom and white dad. Santiago is Latino American. Beatriz identifies as pansexual. Santiago identifies as queer. A couple minor characters are lesbians. One is nonbinary.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. References to kissing between two boys and sex between two girls. References to sex between a boy and girl. (All sex happens off-scene.)

Bea’s mom got pregnant as a teenager. Bea imagines what that life was like and how it impacted her mom’s plans.

Spiritual Content
People gather for a memorial service for a boy who died. Later, someone comments that he is looking down on his friends.

Violent Content
References to a boy who died by suicide (the method is never disclosed). Characters discuss suicidal ideation and morbid ideation. The story focuses on grief from this loss as well as the loss of parents due to a car accident or cancer.

In one scene, a boy behaves in a predatory way toward another person, pursuing them when the person makes it clear they do not want the attention. The person’s friends stop the boy from harassing them.

A boy and girl (minor characters) have an emotionally abusive relationship operating around the fringes of the story.

A girl hurts her hand punching a boy.

Drug Content
Teens drink alcohol at a party. A drunk boy calls a girl to give him a ride home. Some characters smoke.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use but help support this blog. I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

Review: The Final Curse of Ophelia Cray by Christine Calella

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The Final Curse of Ophelia Cray
Christine Calella
Page Street Press
Published April 9, 2024

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About The Final Curse of Ophelia Cray

Storms and pirates are nothing compared to the evil within men’s hearts.

After a lifetime of abuse at the hands of superstitious townsfolk, Ophelia Young, a bastard child of the notorious pirate queen, is tired of paying for the sins of her mother. Despite playing by the rules her whole life, she’s earned nothing but spite and suspicion. So when a naval officer saves her from the jeering crowd at her mother’s hanging, Ophelia hatches a new hope of enlisting in the navy to escape her mother’s legacy and redeem her own reputation for good. But Ophelia soon discovers that a life at sea isn’t as honorable as she hoped.

Betsy Young is as different as she could be from her half-sister Ophelia. She’s a nervous homebody who wants to keep her family safe and longs to be in love. So naturally, she’s devastated when the son of their family’s business partner rejects her hand in marriage and her sister joins the navy. But when her father contracts a life-threatening illness as well, Betsy has to bring Ophelia home to save the family business.

Unfortunately for the Young sisters, Betsy trying to get Ophelia recalled reveals that Ophelia enlisted fraudulently under Betsy’s name, a secret which Ophelia struggles to keep from crewmates who would kill her if they knew she was the pirate queen’s daughter. To save Ophelia from the naval authorities, Betsy will have to board a ship during hurricane season and brave all the dangers of the sea to get them both home safe.

My Review

Is it weird to say that I found it refreshing to read about pirates as the villains in this book? Ha. Actually, I liked a lot of things about this book. The relationship between Betsy and Ophelia, of course, drew me into the story. They are half-sisters nearly the same age but with very different personalities. Despite their differences, these two girls have each other’s back in everything but this: Betsy’s crippling anxiety keeps her mostly at home, and Ophelia longs for a life at sea in the Navy.

While I really appreciate that Betsy has anxiety, I felt like the representation in the story was uneven. At the beginning, Betsy’s anxiety pretty much runs her life. She has decided to stay home where she feels safe, and she can barely speak when someone outside her family tries to talk to her. When she faces boarding a ship and making the journey to find Ophelia, she doesn’t make that decision lightly or without her anxiety spiking. As the story progresses, though, her anxiety sort of evaporates? She experiences life-threatening situations and eloquently advocates for herself and others. She grieves and feels fear, but I felt like the symptoms the story used to define her anxiety faded away.

I don’t know. I guess it made me a little bit uncomfortable because it implied that all she needed to do to conquer her anxiety was get out there and be brave, and that’s not really how clinical anxiety works? Maybe this wasn’t supposed to be representative of clinical anxiety, though.

At any rate. I really appreciated the relationship between the sisters and the representation of the pirates in the story. It was nice to read something that didn’t totally romanticize piracy. The plot was pretty evenly paced, and I loved the twists and turns the story took.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Betsy has anxiety. Ophelia is asexual/aromantic. Minor characters are lesbian.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Strong profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
In one scene, a boy kisses a girl without her consent. She breaks off the kiss and makes it clear it isn’t what she wants. He stops, but is unhappy. Later, a girl welcomes kisses from a boy. In another scene, a boy coerces a girl to kiss him, and she bites his mouth.

Spiritual Content
Betsy and her mother believe in some spiritual things, like bad vibes and curses. Ophelia wrestles with whether she believes in anything like that. The people of her town seem to believe her mother’s blood is cursed, and they treat her terribly because of it. Later, some inexplicable things happen, and Ophelia isn’t sure what to make of them. She seems to finally believe in some spiritual happenings, whether it’s her mother’s spirit guiding her from beyond or some other benevolent force.

Violent Content
Betsy and Ophelia attend a hanging. The person’s face is covered, but they watch until she dies. The crowd abuses Ophelia, pushing her, pulling her hair, and nearly trampling her. Ophelia makes it clear this kind of treatment from her neighbors is pretty common.

Sailors are whipped as punishment. They battle those on enemy ships.

Pirates attack a ship, shooting some on board and brutalizing others. Some graphic descriptions of violence, including brief torture and dismemberment. A sailor wraps chains around a girl’s neck to mimic a hanging. Sailors battle for control of a ship, stabbing and shooting each other as they can.

Drug Content
Characters have wine with dinner. A fellow sailor passes Ophelia a bottle of whisky, which she takes a small sip from. Three girls drink rum together. One drinks until very drunk.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use but help support this blog. I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

Review: Where There’s Smoke by E. B. Vickers

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Where There’s Smoke
E. B. Vickers
Knopf Books for Young Readers
Published December 12, 2023

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Where There’s Smoke

In this fast-paced thriller, eighteen-year-old Calli finds herself alone after the loss of her father—until a bruised and broken girl shows up on her property, forcing her to face the present, rethink her future, and unearth the skeletons of her own past.

Life has never been easy in the small desert town of Harmony, but even on the day Calli Christopher buries her father, she knows she is surrounded by people who care about her. But after the funeral, when everyone has finally gone home, Calli discovers a girl on her property. A girl who’s dirty and bruised and unable to speak. And petrified.

Calli keeps the girl secret—well, almost secret. She calls her Ash and begins to nurture her back to health. But word spreads in a small town, and soon a detective comes around asking questions about a missing girl from another town. But these only raise more questions–about Ash and about the people Calli knows well. Still, she must ask: is Ash in danger…or is she the danger?

My Review

I love the way the author has chosen to tell this story. It’s got prose chapters from Calli’s perspective, and some short chapters or scenes in poetry in between them. The poems tell several other characters’ perspectives, and they’re a little bit veiled, really anchored in the context of what Calli learns in the scenes from her point of view.

It’s hard to talk about some of my feelings about this book without spoilers, but I’m going to do my best.

One of the things that made a lot of sense but sometimes frustrated me as a reader is the way that Calli waffled back and forth in her theories about what had happened to Ash. Sometimes, minute to minute, she’s convinced this person is totally guilty of harming Ash, and the next minute, she’s certain they’re innocent, and it must be someone else. It makes sense because new things keep happening, and she’s never sure who’s telling her the truth.

I did see some of the reveals in the book coming, but I think they were ones that maybe you were supposed to figure out ahead of time. There were definitely plenty of things I didn’t expect and some things that made me look back at earlier scenes with new eyes.

On the whole, I think the author did an amazing job creating a suspenseful story and including commentary on faith and faith communities in a neutral way that allows readers to draw their own conclusions about the characters separately from religion.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
I think the major characters are white? Several characters are people who fled from a local cult.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Strong profanity used somewhat infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Calli references a past dating relationship with a boy. She also wonders if she’s falling in love with another boy.

Spiritual Content
Calli’s dad used to be the Bishop of her local church. Now, her dad’s cousin serves as Bishop. Calli still maintains her faith, and she references some Bible verses in times of need or when she faces tough decisions. Not far from Calli’s hometown is a small, very closed cult. There are rumors of children forced into marriage with much older men and girls who disappear, possibly murdered. Several characters have escaped from this group.

Violent Content
References to domestic violence and sexual assault. (Nothing graphically described or shown on scene.)

Drug Content
Calli finds empty beer bottles in a cabin that should be empty. References to adults drinking alcohol. Calli’s dad preached against drinking any alcohol at all.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of WHERE THERE’S SMOKE in exchange for my honest review.

Review: No Perfect Places by Steven Salvatore

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No Perfect Places
Steven Salvatore
Bloomsbury YA
Published May 30, 2023

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About No Perfect Places

From lauded author Steven Salvatore comes a YA about twins whose incarcerated father dies and leaves behind a life-changing secret.

When their father was imprisoned for embezzlement, twins Alex and Olly Brucke lost everything except their strong bond with each other. But after their dad dies unexpectedly, the twins start to fracture. Alex is spiraling, skipping classes to get drunk or high. Olly is struggling with a secret his dad ordered him to keep: they have a secret half-brother, Tyler.

So when Tyler shows up in their lakeside town for the summer, hoping to get to know his siblings, Olly hides the truth from Alex. But as Alex and Tyler start to form a friendship, the lies become harder to juggle. If they can’t confront their father’s past and fix their relationship, Olly and Alex each risk losing two siblings forever.

A thought-provoking novel about grief, family secrets, and figuring out how to belong against the odds.

My Review

Okay, so you know how there are just certain authors whose books just hit you deep? Steven Salvatore is one of those authors for me. I have loved all of their books so far, and I’m both delighted and unsurprised to say the same of NO PERFECT PLACES.

The relationship between siblings absolutely melted my heart. The wildly different experiences and feelings they each had for their father made perfect sense from each character’s perspective. Alex’s destructive grief was heartbreaking. As was the wreckage from Olly’s protective need to try to control everything.

And let’s not skip the romantic relationships because this, again, is something Salvatore does SO WELL. Olly and Khal have this great balance in their relationship. It’s not that things are perfect. It’s not even that they have their whole relationship figured out. They are always on the same side, though. I loved that. Alex has a whole rollercoaster-on-fire of romance, and while it hurt to read some of those scenes, I felt like they were so well done. As Alex begins to process her grief and process her feelings about herself, she begins to see the relationship in a different light. The change felt organic and had me cheering for her so hard.

I also want to say that the romantic storylines never stole the show. They were absolutely subplots, and they stayed in their lanes, so I felt like the story struck a great balance there.

Another thing (yes, more!) that Steven Salvatore does brilliantly well is how they present art within a story. In AND THEY LIVED, they told us the story of Chase’s college animation project.

In NO PERFECT PLACES, we get Olly’s journey of creating a short film to submit to a contest. The movie scene descriptions are great, and I loved how the final product echoed the themes of the larger story.

All in all, such a great book. I loved it so much. It’s the story of three siblings and their journey through a very particular kind of grief, and the community they build which helps them heal.

Content Notes for No Perfect Places

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Olly is gay and uses he/they pronouns. Alex uses drugs and alcohol to numb her grief. She also experiences domestic violence at the hands of a partner. Olly’s boyfriend is Iranian American and Muslim.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used pretty frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Boy/boy kissing and boy/girl kissing. References to sex, and some brief explicit statements about sex.

Spiritual Content
Brief references to Muslim faith. Alex and Olly both says “goddess,” as in “Oh my goddess.”

Violent Content
A man dies while denied access to medical care. Some scenes show domestic violence and emotional abuse in a relationship. A boy punches other characters and attacks them with few consequences. A girl punches a boy after he slaps her. In one scene, a girl overdoses and dies. A girl knees a boy in the groin after he tries to grab her.

Drug Content
Teens drink alcohol, smoke pot, and use other drugs in a few scenes. It’s shown in a way that highlights the destructiveness of the behavior. A girl dies of an accidental overdose.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of NO PERFECT PLACES in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Brighter Than the Moon by David Valdes

Book Review and Content, Contemporary, Romance, Young Adult/Teen 12-18, , , , , , , , , ,

Brighter Than the Moon
David Valdes
Bloomsbury YA
Published January 10, 2023

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Brighter Than the Moon

Shy foster kid Jonas and self-assured vlogger Shani met online, and so far, that’s where their relationship has stayed, sharing memes and baring their souls from behind their screens. Shani is eager to finally meet up, but Jonas isn’t so sure–he’s not confident Shani will like the real him . . . if he’s even sure who that is.

Jonas knows he’s trapped himself in a lie with Shani–and wants to dig himself out. But Shani, who’s been burned before, may not give him a chance: she talks her best friend Ash into playing spy and finding out the truth. When Ash falls for Jonas, too, he keeps that news from Shani, and soon they’re all keeping secrets. Will it matter that their hearts are in the right place? Coming clean will require them to figure out who they really are, which is no easy task when all the pieces of your identity go beyond easy boxes and labels.

Lauded writer David Valdes offers a heartfelt, clever, and thought-provoking story about how we figure out who we want to be–online and IRL–for fans of David Levithan and Adam Silvera.

My Review

It’s kind of rare for a story to be told in three points of view the way this one is. I love that it’s third person, present tense. That made everything feel close and immediate. I felt like the author did a great job balancing all three perspectives in the story, too. They all felt equally intimate even though they were three very different characters.

I read David Valdes’s debut, SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND, last year, and it was bursting with energy so much that I wasn’t sure how he would follow it up. BRIGHTER THAN THE MOON is a whole different story, and I love it just as much. The energy is different, but still really great. I love all three main characters.

The only thing that hit me weirdly was the way the online deception resolved. I’ve read a couple other catphishing type stories lately (NO FILTER AND OTHER LIES by Crystal Maldonado and TAKE A BOW, NOAH MITCHELL by Tobias Madden), so it might be that I’m worn on that trope right now? I don’t know. It seemed like Jonas and Shani both had big trust issues, and Ash seemed like he couldn’t help creating trust issues, so it was hard for me to imagine things working out quite the way they did?

Despite that, I really enjoyed so many things about this book, though. I loved the setting and all of the places mentioned– especially the coffee shop, Curious Liquids. I liked the community around each of the characters, too, especially Shani’s dad, and Ash’s friend from the coffee shop, Tee.

On the whole, I can totally see fans of Adam Silvera loving this book. If you love books about self-discovery and found family, BRIGHTER THAN THE MOON is one you should check out.

Content Notes for Brighter Than the Moon

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Jonas is a brown boy who is unsure of his background. He is in foster care. His foster mom is black. Shani’s mom was black and her dad is white. Ash is trans and his dad is Indian American and his mom is Iranian American. A minor character is also trans and another is a lesbian. Three characters are in a polyamorous relationship.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Strong profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Characters experience attraction and think about kissing.

Spiritual Content
Shani attends church at Christmas. Characters attend a funeral service at a church. A singer performs “I Sing Because I’m Happy,” a song that deeply moves Shani, Ash, and Jonas.

Violent Content
None.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of BRIGHTER THAN THE MOON in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Bookish and the Beast by Ashley Poston

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Bookish and the Beast (Once Upon a Con #3)
Ashley Poston
Quirk Books
Published August 4, 2020

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Book Depository | Indiebound | Goodreads

About Bookish and the Beast

In the third book in Ashley Poston’s Once Upon a Con series, Beauty and the Beast is retold in the beloved Starfield universe.

Rosie Thorne is feeling stuck—on her college application essays, in her small town, and on that mysterious General Sond cosplayer she met at ExcelsiCon. Most of all, she’s stuck in her grief over her mother’s death. Her only solace was her late mother’s library of rare Starfield novels, but even that disappeared when they sold it to pay off hospital bills.

On the other hand, Vance Reigns has been Hollywood royalty for as long as he can remember—with all the privilege and scrutiny that entails. When a tabloid scandal catches up to him, he’s forced to hide out somewhere the paparazzi would never expect to find him: Small Town USA. At least there’s a library in the house. Too bad he doesn’t read.

When Rosie and Vance’s paths collide and a rare book is accidentally destroyed, Rosie finds herself working to repay the debt. And while most Starfield superfans would jump at the chance to work in close proximity to the Vance Reigns, Rosie has discovered something about Vance: he’s a jerk, and she can’t stand him. The feeling is mutual.

But as Vance and Rosie begrudgingly get to know each other, their careful masks come off—and they may just find that there’s more risk in shutting each other out than in opening their hearts.

My Review

I’ve been really looking forward to reading this book, and it did NOT disappoint! Just like I did in GEEKERELLA, I love the quirky, nerdiness of the characters and their obsession with Starfield in BOOKISH AND THE BEAST. I love the banter between Rosie and Vance. And I love her best friends and the enthusiasm they put into everything from teasing her about her dad to Quinn’s quest to become Homecoming Overlord.

There was one tiniest bump in my reading road. At the beginning, of course, Vance is a total jerk. It makes complete sense because this IS a Beauty and the Beast retelling. I can tell you now, it’s so worth those early scenes to watch the cracks in his armor form. To watch his heart change and know how big that is.

Another thing that I loved were the references to Beauty and the Beast. There are a couple of places where there references to minor lines in the Disney version of the movie, and some other references to the story as a whole that were too fun for me to spoil them here.

If you’re looking for a pick-me-up book, something light to take your mind off reality for a bit, look no further! I highly recommend reading BOOKISH AND THE BEAST.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Rosie and Vance are both white. Rosie’s best friend Quinn is nonbinary.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Strong profanity used very infrequently. A couple crude comments.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. Some reference to feelings of attraction between two men.

Spiritual Content
Rosie thinks of her mother, who has died, and repeatedly notes that she no longer exists.

Violent Content
Reference to a car accident. Two boys get into a fist fight. A girl punches a boy.

Drug Content
References to Vance getting drunk in the past.

Note: I received a free copy of BOOKISH AND THE BEAST in exchange for my honest review. This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support the costs of running this blog.