Tag Archives: Depression

Review: If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come by Jen St. Jude

Book Review and Content, Contemporary, Romance, Young Adult/Teen 12-18, , , , , , , , , , ,
If Tomorrow Doesn't Come by Jen St. Jude

If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come
Jen St. Jude
Bloomsbury YA
Published May 9, 2023

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come

WE ARE OKAY meets THEY BOTH DIE AT THE END in this YA debut about queer first love and mental health at the end of the world-and the importance of saving yourself, no matter what tomorrow may hold.

Avery Byrne has secrets. She’s queer; she’s in love with her best friend, Cass; and she’s suffering from undiagnosed clinical depression. But on the morning Avery plans to jump into the river near her college campus, the world discovers there are only nine days left to an asteroid is headed for Earth, and no one can stop it.

Trying to spare her family and Cass additional pain, Avery does her best to make it through just nine more days. As time runs out and secrets slowly come to light, Avery would do anything to save the ones she loves. But most importantly, she learns to save herself. Speak her truth. Seek the support she needs. Find hope again in the tomorrows she has left.

IF TOMORROW DOESN’T COME is a celebration of queer love, a gripping speculative narrative, and an urgent, conversation-starting book about depression, mental health, and shame.

My Review

One of the things I’m learning about the way I manage reviews is that it doesn’t allow me to be a mood reader as often as I’d like. Lots of times, I don’t think it matters, because I have pretty broad interests. Books like this, though, which touch on deeply painful issues like depression and, you know, the literal end of the world, would probably be better suited to a mood read experience.

That said, I liked a lot of things about this book even with its heavy topics. Much of the story is told in two timelines, which gives us a chance to see Avery’s backstory play out in real time. We get to experience her plunge into depression and loneliness. We are with her as she realizes she’s in love with her best friend. Getting to experience those moments with her firsthand means that as we zip back to the present, a scant few days before an asteroid will destroy life on earth, the relationships with her family and with her best friend Cass feel fraught and raw, as if those other memories just happened. I thought that was a smart way to tell the story and give the relationships and history a centerstage feeling without letting the whole end-of-the-world element upstage everything.

Avery’s brother and his family? His wife and their three year old son? OMG. They absolutely wrecked me. I mean, completely demolished. I loved them even though thinking about parenting a small child in a moment like that is heartbreaking and terrifying.

On the whole? I think in concept, this book reminds me a little bit of THIS IS NOT A TEST by Courtney Summers because that’s also about a girl who is suicidal and faced with the potential end of the world, in this case a zombie apocalypse. The emotional depth of the story really moved me, and the relationships between characters and moments showing the beauty of life and humanity made this a lovely read.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Avery has undiagnosed clinical depression and is suicidal. She’s also in love with a girl. Cass is a lesbian and biracial. She’s Mexican American and Indian American. A minor character is a Muslim.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between two girls. Sex between two girls.

Spiritual Content
Avery is raised Catholic. She prays and volunteers with the church and has a pretty deep guilt complex over things. She’s been raised to believe that being gay is a sin. A priest tells her this and also that suicide is the greatest sin. (Super yuck.) She later tells the priest this is harmful and not to do this to anyone else. A family member also publicly affirms her in front of the church.

Violent Content
In the opening scene, Avery is on the brink of killing herself. There are rumors of shootings, riots, and other violence once news spreads of the asteroid heading toward earth. Two men with guns tie up a couple and steal their stuff. A man with a gun and another man threaten and chase two girls.

Drug Content
Teens drink alcohol. References to smoking pot.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of IF TOMORROW DOESN’T COME in exchange for my honest review. All opinions my own.

Review: I Will Find You Again by Sarah Lyu

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I Will Find You Again
Sarah Lyu
Simon & Schuster
Published March 14, 2023

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About I Will Find You Again

All the Bright Places meets Ace of Spades in this twisty teen thriller about finding a way to live after losing the one person who feels like home.

Welcome to Meadowlark, Long Island—expensive homes and good schools, ambition and loneliness. Meet Chase Ohara and Lia Vestiano: the driven overachiever and the impulsive wanderer, the future CEO and the free spirit. Best friends for years—weekend trips to Montauk, sleepovers on a yacht—and then, first love. True love.

But when Lia disappears, Chase’s life turns into a series of grim snapshots. Anger. Grief. Running. Pink pills in an Altoids tin. A cheating ring at school. Heartbreak and lies. A catastrophic secret.

And the shocking truth that will change everything about the way Chase sees Lia—and herself.

My Review

For some reason, I find I’m always drawn to books about complicated grief. This one is no exception. It’s an intense story, both in its exploration of grief, but also in the way that it’s written like a thriller. I feel like all the stories I want to compare it to give things away about the plot, though.

After Lia’s death, Chase finds herself trying to sift through her memories and those of her friends to piece together what happened and understand why. She feels someone must be responsible, or that there must be an explanation that will make Lia’s death make sense, and she’ll do whatever it takes to find the truth.

I liked those things about her. Her desperation was palpable. Her grief exploded off the page. I couldn’t help rooting for her, even though sometimes she did self-destructive things.

The story explores the pressure that Chase and her friends feel at school. All of them have ambitious AP course loads plus extracurriculars. They decide that drugs and a cheating ring, in which one person completes an assignment or test and distributes the work to the others, is the only reasonable way to survive.

While obviously cheating is wrong, I couldn’t help pausing to think about why they chose that course and whether certain high-achieving academic programs do push kids too hard. I don’t know. It’s still something I’m thinking about.

All in all, I WILL FIND YOU AGAIN has perfect pacing in a deep, emotional landscape. Fans of E. Lockhart or Matthew Quick totally want to check this one out.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Chase is Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, and Taiwanese. Lia is Korean and adopted by white parents.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used pretty frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between two girls.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
Mentions of suicidal thoughts. Brief mention of a suicide attempt.

Drug Content
Chase takes an upper called Focentra (a fictional drug) which she buys from a classmate.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of I WILL FIND YOU AGAIN in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Cartographers by Amy Zhang

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The Cartographers
Amy Zhang
HarperCollins
Published January 31, 2023

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About The Cartographers

Struggling to balance the expectations of her immigrant mother with her deep ambivalence about her own place in the world, seventeen-year-old Ocean Wu takes her savings and goes off the grid. A haunting and romantic novel about family, friendship, philosophy, and love.

Ocean Wu has always felt enormous pressure to succeed. After struggling with depression during her senior year in high school, Ocean moves to New York City, where she has been accepted at a prestigious university. But Ocean feels so emotionally raw and unmoored (and uncertain about what is real and what is not), that she decides to defer and live off her savings until she can get herself together. She also decides not to tell her mother (whom she loves very much but doesn’t want to disappoint) that she is deferring—at least until she absolutely must.

In New York, Ocean moves into an apartment with Georgie and Tashya, two strangers who soon become friends, and gets a job tutoring. She also meets a boy—Constantine Brave (a name that makes her laugh)—late one night on the subway. Constant is a fellow student and a graffiti artist, and Constant and Ocean soon start corresponding via Google Docs—they discuss physics, philosophy, art, literature, and love. But everything falls apart when Ocean goes home for Thanksgiving, Constant reveals his true character, Georgie and Tashya break up, and the police get involved.

Ocean, Constant, Georgie, and Tashya are all cartographers—mapping out their futures, their dreams, and their paths toward adulthood in this stunning and heartbreaking novel about finding the strength to control your own destiny.

My Review

This is another book where I feel like the cover copy doesn’t truly reflect the story. I get it, though– this is a really hard one to put into a neat and catchy few paragraphs. Ocean spends a lot of time obsessing over her relationship with Constantine and trying to understand her depression. But that makes the book sound like a downer, which isn’t good.

While THE CARTOGRAPHERS doesn’t shy away from emotional anguish, I wouldn’t describe it as a downer. I liked the way the writing pressed into messy feelings and relationships without closure or clear communication and how addicting they can sometimes be. I found myself nodding along with some of Ocean’s observations and thinking about a particular relationship in my own past that reminded me of the dynamic between her and Constantine.

The philosophy conversations were really cool, too. The whole book felt really smart to me and also a little bit whimsical. Sometimes funny, sometimes deep. Lots of chasing wild ideas. I loved that.

Some of those things make this a tough book to categorize. It’s not really a romance. Maybe it’s more of a coming-of-age story? A journey through depression? It’s a lot of thing, so many of them heartfelt, brave, and smart.

Something about this book reminded me of THE PARADOX OF VERTICAL FLIGHT or AWAY WE GO by Emil Ostrovski. (Both of which I LOVED!) I think readers looking for a book that doesn’t shy away from messy relationships and emotions, that explores the connections between people, will like this one.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Ocean Wu is Chinese American. Two minor characters (girls) are in a romantic relationship.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used somewhat infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. References to a boy and girl having sex.

Spiritual Content
Ocean and Constantine talk philosophy in person and a Google Doc they share.

Violent Content
Ocean has suicidal ideations.

Drug Content
Ocean drinks alcohol with her roommates and at a dinner with her roommate’s family.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of THE CARTOGRAPHERS in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Xavier in the Meantime by Kate Gordon

Book Review and Content, Contemporary, Middle Grade 8-12, , , , , , ,

Xavier in the Meantime
Kate Gordon
Riveted Press
Published February 1, 2022

 Book Depository | Goodreads

About Xavier in the Meantime

Sometimes Xavier wakes up feeling hopeless.

Every new doctor … this will fix it.

Removing him from school … this will fix it.

The therapy group … this will fix it.

And his dad moving out. Maybe, this will fix it. Despite his positive affirmations, the black dog never really leaves him. It watches from the corner of his room, never straying too far away—waiting for the perfect opportunity to sink its teeth in.

But Xavier has a plan—one he hopes will help all the kids in his support group. Enlisting the help of best friend Aster, he tries to convince his dad to turn the family sheep farm into a therapy retreat for the group session kids. But he is up against decades of tradition, his parents who are on a “break,” and the spectre of the black dog.

Can Xavier learn to cherish the moments in between the struggles—the moments in the meantime?

My Review

XAVIER IN THE MEANTIME is a companion novel to ASTER’S GOOD RIGHT THINGS, which I read and loved last year. Xavier is the boy with a pet bunny Aster meets in the other book. As soon as I saw that this book was about him (and incudes Aster as a side character!), I knew I needed to read it.

Xavier is such a cool kid. He has his own wild sense of style– I loved the descriptions of his outfits. He’s a bit of a loner. Homeschooled. Aster is his only friend. And everywhere he goes, the black dog follows him. It’s not a literal real dog. But he sees it in his mind, and it gives shape and presence to his depression. I thought the way the black dog is described and used as a metaphor for his depression was really powerful and original. It reminded me a little bit of the captain in CHALLENGER DEEP by Neal Shusterman.

When Xavier meets Aster in the other book, he and Aster learn about how doing small kindnesses for others can make them feel good inside. Xavier decides that small kindnesses won’t be enough to make him feel good, but he gets an idea for a big kindness, something that could help him and the other kids in his therapy group. It was really cool watching how the people around Xavier responded to the idea of the retreat and the way it impacted his connections with other kids.

This isn’t a story where he finds a magical cure for depression. The story mentions more than once that many people have chronic depression that doesn’t just go away forever. While it’s a really hopeful story, it doesn’t pretend that Xavier has found a magical cure. Rather that finding a supportive community that will be with him when the dark days come and the black dog returns is the true goal for him. I liked that, and I liked that the story explored what a supportive community can look like and how it develops.

Content Notes for Xavier in the Meantime

Recommended for Ages 10 to 14.

Representation
Xavier has depression. Aster has anxiety. Xavier’s mom has Crohn’s disease.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
None.

Romance/Sexual Content
None.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
A boy comes to therapy group with a black eye after having been beat up at school.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of Xavier in the Meantime in exchange for my honest review.

Review: How to Become a Planet by Nicole Melleby

Book Review and Content, Contemporary, Middle Grade 8-12, , , , , , , ,

How to Become a Planet
Nicole Melleby
Algonquin Young Readers
Published May 25, 2021

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About How to Become a Planet

For Pluto, summer has always started with a trip to the planetarium. It’s the launch to her favorite season, which also includes visits to the boardwalk arcade, working in her mom’s pizzeria, and her best friend Meredith’s birthday party. But this summer, none of that feels possible.

A month before the end of the school year, Pluto’s frightened mom broke down Pluto’s bedroom door. What came next were doctor’s appointments, a diagnosis of depression, and a big black hole that still sits on Pluto’s chest, making it too hard to do anything.

Pluto can’t explain to her mom why she can’t do the things she used to love. And it isn’t until Pluto’s dad threatens to make her move with him to the city—where he believes his money, in particular, could help—that Pluto becomes desperate enough to do whatever it takes to be the old Pluto again.

She develops a plan and a checklist: If she takes her medication, if she goes to the planetarium with her mom for her birthday, if she successfully finishes her summer school work with her tutor, if she goes to Meredith’s birthday party . . . if she does all the things that “normal” Pluto would do, she can stay with her mom in Jersey. But it takes a new therapist, a new tutor, and a new (and cute) friend with a checklist and plan of her own for Pluto to learn that there is no old and new Pluto. There’s just her.

My Review

I feel like Nicole Melleby does an incredible job bringing issues to the middle grade stage with poise and poignance but without softening the truth about how hard some of those challenges can be. Both of the books she’s written that I’ve reviewed (HOW TO BECOME A PLANET and HURRICANE SEASON) have explored mental health and identity issues as well as complex relationships with single parents. This book also included resolving conflicts within a friendship.

All those topics felt handled really well in the context of a middle grade story. I didn’t feel sheltered from Pluto’s anxiety or her depression. I felt like I experienced those things along with her, but in a really accessible way. Like they would still make sense (I think) to someone whether or not they’d shared that experience personally.

I liked that Pluto’s parents both wanted to help her and be present and loving with her, but that the story showed how complicated that was for Pluto, too. I liked that no one in the story is perfect. It was also really cool that the story focused on building Pluto’s support team: friends, parents, mentors, and her therapist, all working together to create a network that Pluto could lean on when she needed them.

HOW TO BECOME A PLANET may not be the book that resonates with every reader, but it’s such a sweet, deep story. It’s about learning to recognize what you need and how to be loved even when you don’t feel lovable. Readers who enjoyed BREATHING UNDERWATER or ASTER’S GOOD RIGHT THINGS will not want to miss this one.

Content Notes for How to Become a Planet

Recommended for Ages 8 to 12.

Representation
Several characters, including Pluto, identify as queer.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
None.

Romance/Sexual Content
A kiss between two girls.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
Pluto has a meltdown and lashes out physically.

Drug Content
Pluto takes medication for her anxiety and depression.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of HOW TO BECOME A PLANET in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Sea is Salt and So Am I by Cassandra Hartt

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The Sea Is Salt and So Am I
Cassandra Hartt
Roaring Brook Press
Published June 8, 2021

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About The Sea Is Salt and So Am I

West Finch is one hurricane away from falling into the sea.

Yet sixteen-year-old Harlow Prout is determined to save her small Maine hometown. If only she could stop getting in her own way and find someone, anyone, willing to help. But her best friend Ellis MacQueen “fixes” problems by running away from them―including his broken relationship with his twin brother, Tommy. And Tommy’s depression has hit a new low, so he’s not up for fixing anything.

In the wake of the town’s latest devastating storm, Tommy goes out for a swim that he doesn’t intend to survive. It’s his unexpected return that sets into motion a sea change between these three teens. One that tests old loyalties, sparks new romance, and uncovers painful secrets. And nothing stays secret in West Finch for long.

My Review

This book wrecked me so badly. In a good way, I think? Haha.

It’s got big emotions. Secrets. People who desperately care about each other but somehow go to great lengths to do anything besides deal with the ways they’ve hurt each other. I couldn’t stop reading it. I thought about it for days after I finished reading it.

The writing is so steeped in feeling. It’s got an amazing small town setting, where everyone is waiting for storms to hit and knowing they might destroy the places they love. The story is complex. It’s deep. It’s unforgettable.

And then the ending. I… don’t even know what to say.

The ending is great, just…. abrupt? I love the book, and I’m not unhappy with the ending, I think it just left something unclear that I wanted more completely spelled out for me. But even that doesn’t dim the incredible journey that reading this story was for me. I loved it.

I think readers who enjoy books with big emotions and small towns packed with secrets will love this one. Fans of John Green or Kyrie McCauley should absolutely check this one out.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Tommy has depression. Ellis is bisexual.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used fairly frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing betwen boy and girl. Kissing between two boys. A couple scenes show people kissing without shirts and reference sex.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content – Trigger warning for suicide attempt.
One character tries to die by suicide by swimming away from shore.

Drug Content
Tommy is on medication for depression but isn’t happy with how it makes him feel. He stops taking the medication at one point. He drinks beer with Ellis at one point, which he isn’t supposed to do on his medication, either.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of THE SEA IS SALT AND SO AM I in exchange for my honest review.