Tag Archives: relationships

Review: Your Place or Mine? by Charlotte Schwartz

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Your Place or Mine by Charlotte Schwartz

Your Place or Mine?: Practical Advice for Developing a Co-Parenting Strategy After Separating
Charlotte Schwartz
Dundurn Press
Published September 27, 2022

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About Your Place or Mine?

Navigate the challenges of co-parenting with practical advice and legal tips.

So you did it. You separated. And now the kids that you always planned to raise together are being raised apart. Most people don’t start a family expecting not to see their children every day, and yet roughly half of us end up in that scenario. From there, it’s a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure — and there are many choices you can make.

Your Place or Mine? is a detailed resource for separating parents. It will help you navigate the legal system, including negotiating a settlement, mediation, and litigation, and explains the nuances of different paths to dispute resolution. It also provides specific advice about what to include in a compassionate separation agreement, such as specifying how far parents can live from each other, where transitions take place, how to handle kids’ belongings, communication, future disputes, and introducing your child to a new partner.

Schwartz introduces you to several families (including her own) with separated parents, as well as adults who were raised by co-parents, and offers their insights. She also provides accessible advice from psychologists on kids’ mental health, as well as tips from family law lawyers, who share anecdotes about the world of co-parenting.

My Review

Why I read this book

First of all, I should reassure my friends and family who follow my blog that I didn’t request a review copy of this book because I’m thinking of separating or getting divorced. Ha! That’s not on the horizon for me.

The reason I wanted to read this book was more for the focus on how to co-parent through separation and divorce, since I have a child with a partner I’m no longer married to. Which means I am one of the masses of parents who navigate co-parenting on a daily basis.

I wanted to read this book to see if there are things I can add to my toolbox so to speak. Techniques I’d never used or questions I should consider.

What’s in the book

At any rate, I’d say about 50-60% of the book is more a walk-through of what separation and divorce entail from a legal perspective. What is the process? What does it look like? Are there advantages to pursuing mediation versus going to court?

There were some great notes on finding support and good legal representation, too. She talked about the importance of a good support system and what that looks like through a divorce process. She also discussed questions to ask your legal representative and questions they should be asking you. How do you know they’re doing a good job? That kind of thing.

Additionally, she briefly explained of the evolution of family law in terms of what used to be the standard approach (Mom’s care and custody of children used to be the priority) versus the approach now (it’s recognized that children do the best when both parents are involved in their lives, so courts will not prioritize one parent’s care over the other unless abuse has been proven.).

Who is the legal advice most relevant to?

It’s worth noting that she lives and works in Ontario, Canada, so the legal advice is most relevant to readers living there, but I am familiar with some of the things she discussed from my own experience in the US. So some things are pretty broadly accepted.

I think a book like this would have been really helpful while I was going through a separation/divorce before. I had no idea what to expect, and didn’t really have anyone close to me I could ask advice from. Separating is a huge, stressful experience, especially when you have a child who’s experiencing the grief and disruption of that separation on top of trying to work through your own emotions and navigate issues with your former partner.

So yeah, I think I would have gotten a lot out of a straightforward book like this.

Navigating changes in the relationship between yourself and your partner

There was a fair amount of advice on navigating the relationship between yourself and your ex. I liked her advice and the advice from clients that she shared as well. It basically boils down to considering the needs of the children first and foremost and treating the other person like they are a good parent even if they weren’t a good partner to you. I thought those were both really great point, even if hard to put into practice sometimes.

All in all, I think this is a really practical, gentle guide for people going through separation from a partner with whom they have one or more children. It’s pretty comprehensive and helps make what is a very overwhelming process feel more orderly. With the book, not only is there a light at the end of the tunnel, she tells you what the tunnel looks like and where some of the tricky twists and turns are likely to be.

I highly recommend this book for people in the process of getting separated and/or divorced.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 18 up.

Representation
Written by a white, middle class woman. She practices family law in Canada and is divorced herself and a child of divorced parents. She includes testimonies from marginalized clients, including BIPOC and LGBTQ2S partners.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used very infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
None.

Spiritual Content
References to the importance of faith community as a part of your chosen support network if you desire.

Violent Content
None.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of YOUR PLACE OR MINE in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Charmed List by Julie Abe

Book Review and Content, Contemporary, Romance, Young Adult/Teen 12-18, , , , , , , , , ,

The Charmed List
Julie Abe
Wednesday Books
Published July 5, 2022

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About The Charmed List

After spending most of high school as the quiet girl, Ellie Kobata is ready to take some risks and have a life-changing summer, starting with her Anti-Wallflower List—thirteen items she’s going to check off one by one. She’s looking forward to riding rollercoasters, making her art Instagram public (maybe), and going on an epic road-trip with her best friend Lia.

But when number four on Ellie’s list goes horribly wrong—revenge on Jack Yasuda—she’s certain her summer has gone from charmed to cursed. Instead of a road trip with Lia, Ellie finds herself stuck in a car with Jack driving to a magical convention. But as Ellie and Jack travel down the coast of California, number thirteen on her list—fall in love—may be happening without her realizing it.

In THE CHARMED LIST, Julie Abe sweeps readers away to a secret magical world, complete with cupcakes and tea with added sparks of joy, and an enchanted cottage where you can dance under the stars.

My Review

So… somehow I missed that this book had magic in it? I went back and read the cover copy, and it does talk about there being charms and a “secret magical world”, but I guess I assumed that was metaphorical? Whoops on my part.

It isn’t a bad thing for THE CHARMED LIST to have magic. I just wasn’t expecting that when I started reading, so I felt thrown for a chapter or two. Once I understood the magic system and how it worked, I connected with the story more.

I enjoyed the fact that their families have sort of rival businesses or roles in the community. And the setup of Ellie and Jack being forced to go on the road trip together was great. I loved that.

One of the things that kind of bugged me was the history between Ellie and Jack and even her feelings about him. It felt like she made some pretty harsh judgments about him at a time when he was deeply grieving. I kind of wished they talked more specifically about that and that Ellie had more opportunity to own that perhaps she made some mistakes, too. There’s a little bit of that.

The whole premise is that she and Jack had a big falling out that she’s still nursing hurt feelings over, and I could understand her feeling hurt over what happened. What was hard to understand was that she never considered that he’d just lost his mom, whom they were both close to. I guess I felt like Ellie sometimes came across as shallow and selfish.

That aside, I enjoyed the story’s awkward flirty moments, secret magical towns, and lots of the side characters in the book. Ellie’s sister and Jack’s brother are probably my favorites, but I really liked Ellie’s best friend, too.

All in all, this was a fun summertime read with a little magic sprinkled in. I think readers who enjoy books by Sandhya Menon will enjoy THE CHARMED LIST.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Major characters are Japanese American.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Mild profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl.

Spiritual Content
Some characters have the ability to make charms from recipes. They imbue things like luck to the user. Many people are unaware of the existence of the magic or places that sell magical items. Their existence is a closely guarded secret.

Violent Content
None.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of THE CHARMED LIST in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Boys I Know by Anna Gracia

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Boys I Know
Anna Gracia
Peachtree Teen
Published July 5, 20222

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Boys I Know

*A high school senior navigates messy boys and messier relationships in this bitingly funny and much-needed look into the overlap of Asian American identity and teen sexuality.*

June Chu is the “just good enough” girl. Good enough to line the shelves with a slew of third-place trophies and steal secret kisses from her AP Bio partner, Rhys. But not good enough to meet literally any of her Taiwanese mother’s unrelenting expectations or to get Rhys to commit to anything beyond a well-timed joke.

While June’s mother insists she follow in her (perfect) sister’s footsteps and get a (full-ride) violin scholarship to Northwestern (to study pre-med), June doesn’t see the point in trying too hard if she’s destined to fall short anyway. Instead, she focuses her efforts on making her relationship with Rhys “official.” But after her methodically-planned, tipsily-executed scheme explodes on the level of a nuclear disaster, she flings herself into a new relationship with a guy who’s not allergic to the word “girlfriend.”

But as the line between sex and love blurs, and pressure to map out her entire future threatens to burst, June will have to decide on whose terms she’s going to live her life—even if it means fraying her relationship with her mother beyond repair.

My Review

I had so much fun reading this book. It’s like all the best things and also most cringe-worthy things about high school romance told in a heartbreaking but also often wry and comical way. The relationships totally hooked me, especially June’s relationship with her mom, with Candace, and with Rhys.

I love that June grows so much and the ways that growth impacts her other relationships. I loved the humor woven all through the book. It’s in the antics between June and her friends. The banter between her and her sister. Even the tense exchanges between June and her mom have wit and fun mixed in.

June’s mom is constantly quoting Chinese proverbs to her to remind her about different things or reinforce her rules and ideas. At one point, June learns that one of the proverbs her mom quotes all the time has a second half she wasn’t familiar with. The meaning of that second half completely changes her understanding of the part her mom always quotes. It also starts June thinking about her relationship with her parents in a different way. I loved the way the proverbs were used, but I especially loved that moment where learning the second half of the proverb changes June’s perception. I thought that was a really cool moment and probably one of my favorite scenes. (My other favorite scene is the last one with Rhys, which kind of brought the whole story together. I loved it.)

All in all, I loved the relationships in this book and the growth that June experiences. I think fans of YOU’VE REACHED SAM by Dustin Thao will like this one.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 16 up.

Representation
June is Taiwanese American.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. Reference to touching over clothes. A girl plans to engage in oral sex with her boyfriend. Some references to sex and oral sex. One scene shows sex.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
None.

Drug Content
June and her friends sometimes smoke pot and drink alcohol.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of BOYS I KNOW in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

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The Gifts of Imperfection
Brené Brown
Hazelden Publishing
Published August 27, 2010

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About The Gifts of Imperfection

A motivational and inspiring guide to wholehearted living, rather than just the average self-help book, with this groundbreaking work Brené Brown, Ph.D., bolsters the self-esteem and personal development process through her characteristic heartfelt, honest storytelling. With original research and plenty of encouragement, she explores the psychology of releasing our definitions of an “imperfect” life and embracing living authentically. Brown’s “ten guideposts” are benchmarks for authenticity that can help anyone establish a practice for a life of honest beauty—a perfectly imperfect life.

Now more than ever, we all need to cultivate feelings of self-worth, as well as acceptance and love for ourselves. In a world where insults, criticisms, and fears are spread too generously alongside messages of unrealistic beauty, attainment, and expectation, we look for ways to “dig deep” and find truth and gratitude in our lives. A new way forward means we can’t hold on too tightly to our own self-defeating thoughts or the displaced pain in our world. Instead, we can embrace the imperfection.

When our embarrassments and fears lie, we often listen to them anyway. They thwart our gratitude, acceptance, and compassion—our goodness. They insist, “I am not worthy.” But we are worthy—of self-discovery, personal growth, and boundless love. With Brené Brown’s game-changing New York Times bestseller The Gifts of Imperfection—which has sold more than 2 million copies in more than 30 different languages, and Forbes recently named one of the “Five Books That Will Actually Change Your Outlook On Life”—we find courage to overcome paralyzing fear and self-consciousness, strengthening our connection to the world.

My Review

Okay, so I listened to DARING GREATLY multiple times because it was too good to read just once. I wanted to hear it all from the beginning a second time (and a third time) once I kind of had the whole in my head already. And I’m super glad I did that.

I will do that same thing with GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION, but I’m writing the review between my first and second times reading it. (Mostly because I’ve been swamped and am way behind where I want to be with my reading and review calendar. Also because the publication dates on books keep getting pushed back, leaving me with weird, unexpected gaps in my calendar. It’s stressful, y’all!)

At any rate. So. This book. First, I want to say that I had this playing on my Audible account while wrapping Christmas gifts, and my daughter listened to it with me briefly. That led to some really great conversations. I hope we can listen to more of the book together at some point.

So I loved that DARING GREATLY gave this deep dive into what vulnerability is and why it’s so critical to be able to experience it in a healthy way in order to have healthy relationships and connections in your life. GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION is similar, but it focuses a lot more on perfectionism. The book examines our tendencies to overcommit or fill our lives to the seams with events and stuff and busyness.

And HOW not to do that. WHY not to do that.

I need this book in my life. Because I so do that. Everything must have a purpose, be structured, have some sort of benefit or gain. I forget sometimes that there is real value in just wasting time on something you love for no other reason than you love it. For me the biggest black hole of this kind of unstructured time is social. I end up feeling guilty later if it took me a long time to get something done. This is especially true if in addition to working on the tasks, I was chitchatting with someone.

I feel like I’m still learning to rewire myself to consider that time valuable and productive. And to try to listen to my heart or my body or my spirit and respond when I really genuinely need that rest time or unstructured, unproductive time.

At any rate, this book was a pretty key read for me in this season of my life. I’m super glad that I read it. I noticed that Brown has a new book out recently called ATLAS OF THE HEART. So, that one is now on my reading list!

If you’re looking for a book that kind of helps you quantify why being super busy feels like it’s not sustainable or not working, or you just feel like it’s time to rebalance priorities in your life and make more time for what matters, this is a GREAT book to read. I highly recommend it.

Content Notes on The Gifts of Imperfection

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Relates stories and data based on a broad range of research.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Strong profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Some brief mentions of sex from the perspective of the way that asking for sex or participating in it means experiencing vulnerability. .

Spiritual Content
Mentions going to church.

Violent Content
Vague mentions of abuse situations.

Drug Content
Mentions of drinking alcohol and smoking as a poor coping strategy for vulnerability. She also discusses the connection between shame and addiction.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog.

Review: King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

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King of Scars (King of Scars #1)
Leigh Bardugo
Imprint
Published on January 29, 2019

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About King of Scars

The dashing young king, Nikolai Lantsov, has always had a gift for the impossible. No one knows what he endured in his country’s bloody civil war–and he intends to keep it that way. Now, as enemies gather at his weakened borders, Nikolai must find a way to refill Ravka’s coffers, forge new alliances, and stop a rising threat to the once-great Grisha Army.

Yet with every day a dark magic within him grows stronger, threatening to destroy all he has built. With the help of a young monk and a legendary Grisha general, Nikolai will journey to the places in Ravka where the deepest magic survives to vanquish the terrible legacy inside him. He will risk everything to save his country and himself. But some secrets aren’t meant to stay buried–and some wounds aren’t meant to heal.

My Review

Okay. So. I went into this book with some big reservations. When I read SHADOW AND BONE, I was pretty solidly team Alina and Nikolai, so I kind of never got over the fact that they didn’t end up together. I also really didn’t feel like I had a deep connection to or understanding of Zoya, so I wasn’t sure how to feel about reading her perspective. I was looking forward to reading more of Nina’s story, but also not sure I was ready for the wall of grief she’d be experiencing.

So that’s where I was when I picked up the book. It took me a while to get into Zoya’s character. I’m kind of a fool for witty banter, so the back-and-forth between her and Nikolai or her and other members of their team definitely drew me in. Her backstory also deepened her a LOT.

That last quarter of the book, though. Like, I was enjoying reading and getting more into the story all the way through, but once I got to that last 25%, I was definitely hooked. The stakes went up SO much. Zoya and the dragon. Just. Wow. Nina and her plot to change the game in Fyerda. So amazing.

So yep. I pretty much went from finishing the last page of KING OF SCARS to immediately opening up to the first page of RULE OF WOLVES because now I need to see where this ultimately goes. I’m calling that a win.

I think the SIX OF CROWS duology is still my favorite of the Grisha books, but this one is a very close second.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Nina is bisexual.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Mild profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. A soldier makes a comment that a girl looks like she’d be fun in bed. Nina admires another woman’s beauty in a romantic way.

Spiritual Content
References and some deference to the Fjerdan god, Djel. In Ravka, the people mainly worship saints. There’s some exploration of what it means to be a saint and who should qualify for sainthood.

Violent Content
A horse nearly tramples a soldier, injuring her head. Poison and drug addiction cause injury and death. Some scenes show battle violence. An assassin kills someone and injures someone else. An army of the dead attack a group of soldiers and others.

Drug Content
A highly addictive drug called Jurda Parem changes a Grisha’s power (it’s fatal to non-Grisha) and causes immediate, intense addiction. Nina has taken it before in a dire situation and now carries a sensitivity to it. Nikolai has a team studying the drug looking for a cure or a form that enhances power without creating an addiction.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog.

Review: Quiet by Susan Cain

Book Review and Content, Nonfiction, Young Adult/Teen 12-18, , , , , , , , ,

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking
Susan Cain
Crown Publishing Group
Published January 24, 2012

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Quiet

At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over working in teams. It is to introverts—Rosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniak—that we owe many of the great contributions to society. 

In Quiet, Susan Cain argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and shows how much we lose in doing so. She charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal throughout the twentieth century and explores how deeply it has come to permeate our culture. She also introduces us to successful introverts—from a witty, high-octane public speaker who recharges in solitude after his talks, to a record-breaking salesman who quietly taps into the power of questions. Passionately argued, superbly researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, QUIET has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how they see themselves.

My Review

I first read this book years ago, and I remember a lot of things suddenly making sense about myself and my daughter specifically. At the time I was a single mom with an elementary-aged daughter whose teacher was very much an extrovert. She seemed to prefer a collaborative learning environment in the classroom, which can be great. My daughter struggled with some of the methods her teacher used. I remember her teacher seeming frustrated or worried about it. I think she wanted my daughter to be able to engage more fully and was troubled that she didn’t seem to be getting her work done. My suspicion was that there was too much stimulation making it difficult for her to work. Reading QUIET helped me articulate that more effectively. I ended up giving a copy of the book to the teacher, who also loved it.

I started listening to the audiobook again this year because I’d been having trouble sleeping. I wanted something kind of low key to listen to– you know, no big dramatic climax or high stakes– so this seemed like a good fit.

It really struck me how much I had forgotten or how many things that didn’t apply to my life when I read the book before do apply now. I’m currently married and now have two children, sharing a communal-style home with my parents. And we are a house FULL of introverts! So it’s been really interesting thinking about some of the challenges and advantages common to introverted people in various stages of life and… in the midst of a pandemic.

Thinking about the pandemic also really changed what stood out to me in the book this time as I read/listened to it. Cain discusses research into how different animals with both introverted and extroverted members of their species handle risks. Different situations tend to give one group the advantage over the other in terms of survival, because their natural instincts either protect them or expose them to additional risks.

Introverts, Extroverts and Covid (Skip this section if it’s too political for you.)

Early on in the pandemic, I remember thinking that being introverted gave us an advantage because we weren’t ever really big go-out-and-do people. We do things. Sometimes? At our highest level of social activity, my husband and I had nearly weekly game nights with another couple. We rarely eat out at a restaurant– he has trouble hearing and I don’t speak very loudly. We like restaurant food, but takeout has long been our preferred approach.

So while we had to make sacrifices and change our behavior, the changes weren’t nearly as dramatic as for our extroverted friends who have huge house parties every few months and are super active in our local theater productions. I figured that as things began to normalize or restrictions began to loosen/Covid-19 case numbers began to drop, our extroverted friends would be more easily able to return to going out because that was a more comfortable, natural life pace for them. And I think that’s been true.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the chapters on how introverts and extroverts process risk. If I can oversimplify, introverts tend generally to be more risk-averse than extroverts. Sometimes extroverts head directly into risk when it would be better to retreat. Cain discussed some examples and studies on this. I’ve been thinking about that as I watch all these heated discussions about mask wearing and social distance guidelines. It’s not like all the extroverts I know are anti-mask and all the introverts are pro-mask. It’s definitely not that simple. But I guess it has helped me to think about the fact that sometimes there are motivations that I didn’t consider or understand behind people’s behaviors.

That doesn’t change what I think about masks… I’m still really pro-mask and think it falls within the values of loving others and being a responsible community member. But it helps to realize that it’s not that simple for a lot of people, and that there may be genetic or scientific reasons they are behaving the way they are.

Review Summary

I enjoyed reading this book again. It’s one of those books packed with so much information that I don’t know if I could absorb it all in one read. Even now I like the idea of revisiting certain chapters when I’m ready to look at more information.

There’s also a version of this book for younger readers called QUIET POWER. I don’t have it right now, but I really want to check it out. I’d like to post a review of that one as well. If you’ve read it already or have posted a review, please tell me about it in the comments or you can reach out to me on Twitter.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Mostly discusses research and examples of famous introverts and extroverts. Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. are both mentioned. The depiction of Rosa Parks doesn’t line up with some of the descriptions from her autobiography. Cain also interviews a Chinese-American college student who’s an introvert in a program that overtly values extroverted behavior. He talks about how a summer in China was so different because some of the cultural values were more comfortable for him as an introvert and how validating that was for him.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
None.

Romance/Sexual Content
None.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
None.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support running this blog.