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Review: What Happened to Rachel Riley by Claire Swinarski

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What Happened to Rachel Riley by Claire Swinarski

What Happened to Rachel Riley?
Claire Swinarski
Quill Tree Books
Published January 10, 2023

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About What Happened to Rachel Riley?

In this engrossing and inventive contemporary middle grade novel that’s Where’d You Go Bernadette? with a #MeToo message, an eighth grader uses social media posts, passed notes, and other clues to find out why a formerly popular girl is now the pariah of her new school.

Anna Hunt may be the new girl at East Middle School, but she can already tell there’s something off about her eighth-grade class. Rachel Riley, who just last year was one of the most popular girls in school, has become a social outcast. But no one, including Rachel Riley herself, will tell Anna why.

As a die-hard podcast enthusiast, Anna knows there’s always more to a story than meets the eye. So she decides to put her fact-seeking skills to the test and create her own podcast around the question that won’t stop running through her head: What happened to Rachel Riley?

With the entire eighth grade working against her, Anna dives headfirst into the evidence. Clue after clue, the mystery widens, painting an even more complex story than Anna could have anticipated. But there’s one thing she’s certain of: If you’re going to ask a complicated question, you better be prepared for the fallout that may come with the answer.

My Review

I really enjoyed both of the other books by Claire Swinarski – THE KATE IN BETWEEN and WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. Both explore relationships between girls and show a lot of the complexity and the way relationships change in middle school. I love that about both those books.

And I love it about WHAT HAPPENED TO RACHEL RILEY? as well. What begins as Anna’s curiosity and perhaps a well-meaning attempt to understand why a girl has been ostracized unearths a whole mess of events that it’s clear her new classmates would rather keep quiet. She pieces events together, and then has to decide what to do about the painful truths she’s learned.

The emotional journey that Anna takes feels very real and genuine. She’s not always right. She struggles. Sometimes she missteps. But her experiences and responses to them made sense and drew me deeper into the story. I needed to know what would happen.

This is definitely the kind of book I wish I’d had in seventh grade, and one I wish my daughter had had, too. I think it’s a great resource for middle school classrooms and libraries. Readers who enjoyed UPSTANDER by James Preller or CHIRP by Kate Messner will not want to miss this one.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 10 to 14.

Representation
Anna’s mother emigrated to the US as a college student. Anna, her sister, and her mother speak Polish and English.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
References to crude comments about girls’ bodies.

Romance/Sexual Content
No romantic content. See spoiler section at the end.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
See spoiler section at the end.

Drug Content
None.

***

***

Spoilers

Boys at Anna’s school created a game in which they assigned point values for different girls. Boys would receive points for snapping a girl’s bra strap or slapping her butt. Some scenes show boys snapping a girl’s bra.

The story addresses this as absolutely wrong and explores how different girls feel in the moment and the ways they try to deal with it. For the most part, I love the way this topic is handled in the book. I felt like the girls’ reactions were realistic for girls at this age. Some wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening because they were too uncomfortable speaking up. Others tried to speak up but were shamed for it. Sometimes adults responded appropriately. Other times not so much.

So it felt very real. The story also didn’t feel forced to me. Things unfolded in a very organic way, and the issue didn’t overshadow the characters or their choices.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of WHAT HAPPENED TO RACHEL RILEY? in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD and Deepak Chopra

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Nonviolent Communication
Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD and Deepak Chopra
Puddledancer Press
Published September 1, 2015

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About Nonviolent Communication

An enlightening look at how peaceful communication can create compassionate connections with family, friends, and other acquaintances, this international bestseller uses stories, examples, and sample dialogues to provide solutions to communication problems both at home and in the workplace. Guidance is provided on identifying and articulating feelings and needs, expressing anger fully, and exploring the power of empathy in order to speak honestly without creating hostility, break patterns of thinking that lead to anger and depression, and communicate compassionately. Included in the new edition is a chapter on conflict resolution and mediation.

My Review

Okay, so I mentioned before that more than one person has recommended this book to me. First, someone in a book club discussed it when the group read a different book on communication. Then a childhood friend brought it up. We had been talking about resolving conflict and trying to talk about difficult emotions. I tend to use a lot of what Dr. Rosenberg calls “evaluating and diagnosing language” when I talk. I think that’s what made my friend think of this book. Another friend recommended it kind of out of the blue just as a good book to read for communicating needs.

Anyway, it seemed like three recommendations from three unrelated places was plenty of reason to pick up NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION. So I did.

I listened to the audiobook first. Then, I ordered a hard copy so that I could see some of the content and exercises in print. Though I haven’t done the exercises myself yet, I would like to try them. I can see how they would be helpful for me.

One thing I liked about the book is when Dr. Rosenberg offered examples in which other people adopted nonviolent communication. He showed the impact on the conflict or situation they were in. He tells a fair number of examples of what not to do usually based on him guiding people who aren’t using nonviolent communication. Sometimes those got kind of old to me? They sometimes came across like, “Listen while I tell more stories about how silly people are and how smart I am.” Sometimes those stories were really helpful, though.

I like that this way of communicating really boils down to some simple ideas. Describe what happened. State how it made you feel and why the situation didn’t meet a need you have. Ask for a different behavior that would meet that need. Alternately, sometimes simply listening with empathy opens a path through a conflict. I liked the way he broke down how to do that as well.

Another thing that stood out to me is that when we’re faced with a situation where we aren’t able to listen with empathy, that’s a red flag. We need to respond by taking a step back, get some needs met for ourselves first. And then return to try again to listen with empathy. It’s not that I’ve never heard anything like that before, but maybe more that I felt like Dr. Rosenberg qualified that process in a more specific and clear way than I’d heard in other places.

I read some reviews about NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION before picking up the book. A few point out that the book contains a lot of anecdotal evidence and not research, which is true. There are a couple of stories in the book in which women who have been attacked use empathic listening to deescalate the situation they’re in. I thought those were both really powerful. But I also wish there had been some clarifying response after those stories talking about personal safety. Another thing I would have liked is some guidance about using nonviolent communication in situations of abuse or danger. I would have liked for him to clarify when to withdraw or get additional help.

On the whole, though, I’m really glad I read the book, and I’m eager to try to put its principles into practice in my life to see how it affects some of the relationships I have.

Content Notes for Nonviolent Communication

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Dr. Rosenberg himself is Jewish and speaks about encountering antisemitism.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Mild profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
A man approaches a woman and demands that she undress. She uses nonviolent communication to deescalate the situation and he ends up stealing her purse instead of raping her.

Spiritual Content
A man asks Dr. Rosenberg’s grandmother for food, saying he is Jesus the Lord. Dr. Rosenberg shares a poem he wrote about his Jewish grandmother’s love for others. He writes that her caring for this man taught him about Jesus.

Violent Content
A man attacks a woman, shoving her to the ground and holding a knife to her throat. She uses nonviolent communication to deescalate the situation and is able to calm him down enough to get help.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog.


Review: Your Place or Mine? by Charlotte Schwartz

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Your Place or Mine?: Practical Advice for Developing a Co-Parenting Strategy After Separating
Charlotte Schwartz
Dundurn Press
Published September 27, 2022

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About Your Place or Mine?

Navigate the challenges of co-parenting with practical advice and legal tips.

So you did it. You separated. And now the kids that you always planned to raise together are being raised apart. Most people don’t start a family expecting not to see their children every day, and yet roughly half of us end up in that scenario. From there, it’s a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure — and there are many choices you can make.

Your Place or Mine? is a detailed resource for separating parents. It will help you navigate the legal system, including negotiating a settlement, mediation, and litigation, and explains the nuances of different paths to dispute resolution. It also provides specific advice about what to include in a compassionate separation agreement, such as specifying how far parents can live from each other, where transitions take place, how to handle kids’ belongings, communication, future disputes, and introducing your child to a new partner.

Schwartz introduces you to several families (including her own) with separated parents, as well as adults who were raised by co-parents, and offers their insights. She also provides accessible advice from psychologists on kids’ mental health, as well as tips from family law lawyers, who share anecdotes about the world of co-parenting.

My Review

Why I read this book

First of all, I should reassure my friends and family who follow my blog that I didn’t request a review copy of this book because I’m thinking of separating or getting divorced. Ha! That’s not on the horizon for me.

The reason I wanted to read this book was more for the focus on how to co-parent through separation and divorce, since I have a child with a partner I’m no longer married to. Which means I am one of the masses of parents who navigate co-parenting on a daily basis.

I wanted to read this book to see if there are things I can add to my toolbox so to speak. Techniques I’d never used or questions I should consider.

What’s in the book

At any rate, I’d say about 50-60% of the book is more a walk-through of what separation and divorce entail from a legal perspective. What is the process? What does it look like? Are there advantages to pursuing mediation versus going to court?

There were some great notes on finding support and good legal representation, too. She talked about the importance of a good support system and what that looks like through a divorce process. She also discussed questions to ask your legal representative and questions they should be asking you. How do you know they’re doing a good job? That kind of thing.

Additionally, she briefly explained of the evolution of family law in terms of what used to be the standard approach (Mom’s care and custody of children used to be the priority) versus the approach now (it’s recognized that children do the best when both parents are involved in their lives, so courts will not prioritize one parent’s care over the other unless abuse has been proven.).

Who is the legal advice most relevant to?

It’s worth noting that she lives and works in Ontario, Canada, so the legal advice is most relevant to readers living there, but I am familiar with some of the things she discussed from my own experience in the US. So some things are pretty broadly accepted.

I think a book like this would have been really helpful while I was going through a separation/divorce before. I had no idea what to expect, and didn’t really have anyone close to me I could ask advice from. Separating is a huge, stressful experience, especially when you have a child who’s experiencing the grief and disruption of that separation on top of trying to work through your own emotions and navigate issues with your former partner.

So yeah, I think I would have gotten a lot out of a straightforward book like this.

Navigating changes in the relationship between yourself and your partner

There was a fair amount of advice on navigating the relationship between yourself and your ex. I liked her advice and the advice from clients that she shared as well. It basically boils down to considering the needs of the children first and foremost and treating the other person like they are a good parent even if they weren’t a good partner to you. I thought those were both really great point, even if hard to put into practice sometimes.

All in all, I think this is a really practical, gentle guide for people going through separation from a partner with whom they have one or more children. It’s pretty comprehensive and helps make what is a very overwhelming process feel more orderly. With the book, not only is there a light at the end of the tunnel, she tells you what the tunnel looks like and where some of the tricky twists and turns are likely to be.

I highly recommend this book for people in the process of getting separated and/or divorced.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 18 up.

Representation
Written by a white, middle class woman. She practices family law in Canada and is divorced herself and a child of divorced parents. She includes testimonies from marginalized clients, including BIPOC and LGBTQ2S partners.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used very infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
None.

Spiritual Content
References to the importance of faith community as a part of your chosen support network if you desire.

Violent Content
None.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of YOUR PLACE OR MINE in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Charmed List by Julie Abe

Book Review and Content, Contemporary, Romance, Young Adult/Teen 12-18, , , , , , , , , ,

The Charmed List
Julie Abe
Wednesday Books
Published July 5, 2022

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About The Charmed List

After spending most of high school as the quiet girl, Ellie Kobata is ready to take some risks and have a life-changing summer, starting with her Anti-Wallflower List—thirteen items she’s going to check off one by one. She’s looking forward to riding rollercoasters, making her art Instagram public (maybe), and going on an epic road-trip with her best friend Lia.

But when number four on Ellie’s list goes horribly wrong—revenge on Jack Yasuda—she’s certain her summer has gone from charmed to cursed. Instead of a road trip with Lia, Ellie finds herself stuck in a car with Jack driving to a magical convention. But as Ellie and Jack travel down the coast of California, number thirteen on her list—fall in love—may be happening without her realizing it.

In THE CHARMED LIST, Julie Abe sweeps readers away to a secret magical world, complete with cupcakes and tea with added sparks of joy, and an enchanted cottage where you can dance under the stars.

My Review

So… somehow I missed that this book had magic in it? I went back and read the cover copy, and it does talk about there being charms and a “secret magical world”, but I guess I assumed that was metaphorical? Whoops on my part.

It isn’t a bad thing for THE CHARMED LIST to have magic. I just wasn’t expecting that when I started reading, so I felt thrown for a chapter or two. Once I understood the magic system and how it worked, I connected with the story more.

I enjoyed the fact that their families have sort of rival businesses or roles in the community. And the setup of Ellie and Jack being forced to go on the road trip together was great. I loved that.

One of the things that kind of bugged me was the history between Ellie and Jack and even her feelings about him. It felt like she made some pretty harsh judgments about him at a time when he was deeply grieving. I kind of wished they talked more specifically about that and that Ellie had more opportunity to own that perhaps she made some mistakes, too. There’s a little bit of that.

The whole premise is that she and Jack had a big falling out that she’s still nursing hurt feelings over, and I could understand her feeling hurt over what happened. What was hard to understand was that she never considered that he’d just lost his mom, whom they were both close to. I guess I felt like Ellie sometimes came across as shallow and selfish.

That aside, I enjoyed the story’s awkward flirty moments, secret magical towns, and lots of the side characters in the book. Ellie’s sister and Jack’s brother are probably my favorites, but I really liked Ellie’s best friend, too.

All in all, this was a fun summertime read with a little magic sprinkled in. I think readers who enjoy books by Sandhya Menon will enjoy THE CHARMED LIST.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 12 up.

Representation
Major characters are Japanese American.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Mild profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl.

Spiritual Content
Some characters have the ability to make charms from recipes. They imbue things like luck to the user. Many people are unaware of the existence of the magic or places that sell magical items. Their existence is a closely guarded secret.

Violent Content
None.

Drug Content
None.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of THE CHARMED LIST in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Boys I Know by Anna Gracia

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Boys I Know
Anna Gracia
Peachtree Teen
Published July 5, 20222

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About Boys I Know

*A high school senior navigates messy boys and messier relationships in this bitingly funny and much-needed look into the overlap of Asian American identity and teen sexuality.*

June Chu is the “just good enough” girl. Good enough to line the shelves with a slew of third-place trophies and steal secret kisses from her AP Bio partner, Rhys. But not good enough to meet literally any of her Taiwanese mother’s unrelenting expectations or to get Rhys to commit to anything beyond a well-timed joke.

While June’s mother insists she follow in her (perfect) sister’s footsteps and get a (full-ride) violin scholarship to Northwestern (to study pre-med), June doesn’t see the point in trying too hard if she’s destined to fall short anyway. Instead, she focuses her efforts on making her relationship with Rhys “official.” But after her methodically-planned, tipsily-executed scheme explodes on the level of a nuclear disaster, she flings herself into a new relationship with a guy who’s not allergic to the word “girlfriend.”

But as the line between sex and love blurs, and pressure to map out her entire future threatens to burst, June will have to decide on whose terms she’s going to live her life—even if it means fraying her relationship with her mother beyond repair.

My Review

I had so much fun reading this book. It’s like all the best things and also most cringe-worthy things about high school romance told in a heartbreaking but also often wry and comical way. The relationships totally hooked me, especially June’s relationship with her mom, with Candace, and with Rhys.

I love that June grows so much and the ways that growth impacts her other relationships. I loved the humor woven all through the book. It’s in the antics between June and her friends. The banter between her and her sister. Even the tense exchanges between June and her mom have wit and fun mixed in.

June’s mom is constantly quoting Chinese proverbs to her to remind her about different things or reinforce her rules and ideas. At one point, June learns that one of the proverbs her mom quotes all the time has a second half she wasn’t familiar with. The meaning of that second half completely changes her understanding of the part her mom always quotes. It also starts June thinking about her relationship with her parents in a different way. I loved the way the proverbs were used, but I especially loved that moment where learning the second half of the proverb changes June’s perception. I thought that was a really cool moment and probably one of my favorite scenes. (My other favorite scene is the last one with Rhys, which kind of brought the whole story together. I loved it.)

All in all, I loved the relationships in this book and the growth that June experiences. I think fans of YOU’VE REACHED SAM by Dustin Thao will like this one.

Content Notes

Recommended for Ages 16 up.

Representation
June is Taiwanese American.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Extreme profanity used somewhat frequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Kissing between boy and girl. Reference to touching over clothes. A girl plans to engage in oral sex with her boyfriend. Some references to sex and oral sex. One scene shows sex.

Spiritual Content
None.

Violent Content
None.

Drug Content
June and her friends sometimes smoke pot and drink alcohol.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog. I received a free copy of BOYS I KNOW in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

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The Gifts of Imperfection
Brené Brown
Hazelden Publishing
Published August 27, 2010

Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads

About The Gifts of Imperfection

A motivational and inspiring guide to wholehearted living, rather than just the average self-help book, with this groundbreaking work Brené Brown, Ph.D., bolsters the self-esteem and personal development process through her characteristic heartfelt, honest storytelling. With original research and plenty of encouragement, she explores the psychology of releasing our definitions of an “imperfect” life and embracing living authentically. Brown’s “ten guideposts” are benchmarks for authenticity that can help anyone establish a practice for a life of honest beauty—a perfectly imperfect life.

Now more than ever, we all need to cultivate feelings of self-worth, as well as acceptance and love for ourselves. In a world where insults, criticisms, and fears are spread too generously alongside messages of unrealistic beauty, attainment, and expectation, we look for ways to “dig deep” and find truth and gratitude in our lives. A new way forward means we can’t hold on too tightly to our own self-defeating thoughts or the displaced pain in our world. Instead, we can embrace the imperfection.

When our embarrassments and fears lie, we often listen to them anyway. They thwart our gratitude, acceptance, and compassion—our goodness. They insist, “I am not worthy.” But we are worthy—of self-discovery, personal growth, and boundless love. With Brené Brown’s game-changing New York Times bestseller The Gifts of Imperfection—which has sold more than 2 million copies in more than 30 different languages, and Forbes recently named one of the “Five Books That Will Actually Change Your Outlook On Life”—we find courage to overcome paralyzing fear and self-consciousness, strengthening our connection to the world.

My Review

Okay, so I listened to DARING GREATLY multiple times because it was too good to read just once. I wanted to hear it all from the beginning a second time (and a third time) once I kind of had the whole in my head already. And I’m super glad I did that.

I will do that same thing with GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION, but I’m writing the review between my first and second times reading it. (Mostly because I’ve been swamped and am way behind where I want to be with my reading and review calendar. Also because the publication dates on books keep getting pushed back, leaving me with weird, unexpected gaps in my calendar. It’s stressful, y’all!)

At any rate. So. This book. First, I want to say that I had this playing on my Audible account while wrapping Christmas gifts, and my daughter listened to it with me briefly. That led to some really great conversations. I hope we can listen to more of the book together at some point.

So I loved that DARING GREATLY gave this deep dive into what vulnerability is and why it’s so critical to be able to experience it in a healthy way in order to have healthy relationships and connections in your life. GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION is similar, but it focuses a lot more on perfectionism. The book examines our tendencies to overcommit or fill our lives to the seams with events and stuff and busyness.

And HOW not to do that. WHY not to do that.

I need this book in my life. Because I so do that. Everything must have a purpose, be structured, have some sort of benefit or gain. I forget sometimes that there is real value in just wasting time on something you love for no other reason than you love it. For me the biggest black hole of this kind of unstructured time is social. I end up feeling guilty later if it took me a long time to get something done. This is especially true if in addition to working on the tasks, I was chitchatting with someone.

I feel like I’m still learning to rewire myself to consider that time valuable and productive. And to try to listen to my heart or my body or my spirit and respond when I really genuinely need that rest time or unstructured, unproductive time.

At any rate, this book was a pretty key read for me in this season of my life. I’m super glad that I read it. I noticed that Brown has a new book out recently called ATLAS OF THE HEART. So, that one is now on my reading list!

If you’re looking for a book that kind of helps you quantify why being super busy feels like it’s not sustainable or not working, or you just feel like it’s time to rebalance priorities in your life and make more time for what matters, this is a GREAT book to read. I highly recommend it.

Content Notes on The Gifts of Imperfection

Recommended for Ages 14 up.

Representation
Relates stories and data based on a broad range of research.

Profanity/Crude Language Content
Strong profanity used infrequently.

Romance/Sexual Content
Some brief mentions of sex from the perspective of the way that asking for sex or participating in it means experiencing vulnerability. .

Spiritual Content
Mentions going to church.

Violent Content
Vague mentions of abuse situations.

Drug Content
Mentions of drinking alcohol and smoking as a poor coping strategy for vulnerability. She also discusses the connection between shame and addiction.

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which do not cost you anything to use, but which help support this blog.